The Downside of a Routine

Hi everyone! So…you know how you have one of those days? Well, mine was yesterday! I am sorry I missed you. Please forgive me. 😊

How are you? I hope you enjoyed your weekend. It’s countdown to Christmas and I am happy about it. My children will be ecstatic to see what they have been blessed with this year and my husband and I are grateful that we can bless them. We are also grateful to be upon our thirteenth wedding anniversary. Let me know if you’re tired of hearing this…LOL

I love having a routine. It helps to keep me focused and on task. If I don’t have a daily routine, it is easy for me to slip into procrastination and many things would fall to the wayside. I have been in a routine since I was very young. I can remember being ten years old and getting up early and beginning my day. I still get up early each day, but what’s changed is having a husband, children, job, blog, and everything else.

Having a routine in marriage is helpful too. Planning routine getaways and date nights will help to keep your marriage on the right track. However, if a negative routine develops, it can drain the life and fun out of your marriage.

Almost two years ago, my husband and I moved from Philadelphia to Georgia. It was a big move for us. The routine in my household completely changed because of the move. I went from working full-time as a manager to working from home part-time and caring for my children full-time (PRAY FOR ME). There have been so many changes, that my marriage kind of fell into a rut.

Things were splendid the first few months after our move. We were walking on cloud-nine; happy about our move, our home, neighborhood and our new beginning God promised. However, a few months later, I noticed my patience was much shorter. My husband was working longer hours, but I thought no big deal he has to work. Then I noticed I was more annoyed and began complaining. Next, my husband who is very patient, came home irritable. I thought “No problem, he’s probably tired, from working more than usual.” Finally, after three weeks of this behavior, we had a disagreement. At the end of it, we kind of sat there in a daze like, “What just happened?” And, what was this really about? Instantly, we realized by way of the Holy Spirit, that we were not spending enough time together. Both of us got so focused on our move, and our new routine, we forgot about keeping each other first.

After fifteen years of being together, we enjoy spending time together often, yet the one thing we enjoy doing most was the one thing we neglected to do. I was praying, but I  was not paying attention because I allowed the outside to affect the inside.

Song of Solomon 2:15 – “Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!”

I am grateful we were able to recognize it before it caused real damage to our marriage.

As married people, we must know the cycle of our relationship. We must be careful not to develop an unhealthy routine. For some couples, a weekly date night is imperative to keep the fires flowing. For other couples, physical touch is a way to keep intimacy. For many, sexual intimacy must be kept at the top of the list, to avoid issues. Every marriage is different, and you must know what works for you.

My husband and I love to get away. One of my marital goals for the New Year is to make sure we take time to getaway consistently. This is the positive routine I plan on implementing, and January 14, 2019 will be the beginning. My other goal is to make sure I do not allow outside influences to dictate the routine of my marriage.

Do you have any marital goals for the New Year?

Blessings.

 

 

Photo by Scott Walsh on Unsplash

I will never forget my first or my second

Hello everyone. I hope you had a great weekend! Can you believe it’s December? Twenty-two days until Christmas. It is unbelievable how fast the year went by. Are you looking forward to the new year? I am excited for the opportunity to start over. I am ready to accomplish the natural and spiritual goals I’ve set for myself. I am also looking forward to my 13th wedding anniversary. Lord, thank you.

As a ponder over the past twelve years, I am in awe of God’s grace. My husband and I have experienced extreme highs and unbelievable lows, but we did it and stayed together. My marriage was the first positive relationship in my life. Actually, my husband was my first in many ways.

Let me backtrack a bit. God was my first. He was the first person I learned loved me exactly the way I was. As a child, I never had anyone love me that way. Whenever I made a mistake I trembled with fear of harsh reprimand. When it came to God, I was also fearful because I thought if I messed up, he would turn his back on me. However, the day I came into the realization of God’s love for me, it changed my life. I finally understood there was nothing I could do to get God to stop loving me.

After walking with God for several years, I was very secure in his love for me, but I struggled with believing he could send me someone who could love me just the same. I never expressed those feelings to God, but I am so glad he knows the secrets and desires of our hearts.

Psalms 139: 1-2 “Lord, you have examined me and know all about me. You know when I sit down and when I get up. You know my thoughts before I think them.”

Years later, God answered my heart’s desire and sent me a physical example of unconditional love when he brought my husband into my life. I had been healed from so much pain, but there was still some unresolved trauma I was not aware of. It was not until after I married, that those issues resurfaced.  My husband loved me through it all.

The Lord was my first spiritual example of true love and my husband was my spiritual and physical example! Through all of my ups and downs, my husband loved me as Christ loved the church…unconditionally. Sure, we had other issues that had nothing to do with my trauma, but we learned to work through all of it, allowing God to be the third cord in our marriage.

Ecclesiastes 4:12A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” (NLT).

The relationship with my husband taught me how to persevere, sacrifice, and endure; especially when things did not go my way. When you think about it, it is similar to the relationship we have with the Father. We endure trials, tests and hardship, but at the end of it all, we win.

James 2:12 – “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him” (ESV).

God was my first. He loved me, healed me and set me free. My husband was my second. The person God sent to aid in my remaining healing process.

Before dating and most certainly before we wed, it is important we are healed from past issues, otherwise, we will bring those issues into your relationship as I did. However, God is so merciful and full of wisdom that He knew who to send to aid in my healing process. That is His unconditional love. My FIRST love, before I knew that HE was.

God bless you.

 

Photo by Asaf R on Unsplash

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Marriage journey…again

Hello everyone,

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday filled with love, laughter and most of all thankfulness. I truly love this season. November is a time to be thankful. December is a time to celebrate the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. And my personal favorite, January, is a time to reflect and celebrate my upcoming wedding anniversary!

On January 14, 2019, I’ll be married for 13 years. YAY! For some people, this may not seem like much, but for me, it means a lot. There was a time I did not think we would make it, BUT God!

A few months back, I discussed the 12 lessons I learned in twelve years of marriage. I received a lot of positive feedback, and I pray my sharing was a blessing to those of you who are married and for those of you who desire to be.

However, as I reflect on my almost 13 years of marriage, I have learned another major lesson. The lesson I have learned is…

Lesson 13. – I am still a work in progress…

Philippians 1:6: …“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” (NLT).

With all that God has allowed me to learn in my marriage, I still have a lot to learn. I still have areas that need changing. I still need to learn patience. Though I listen to the Holy Spirit, (most of the time), I still need to watch what I say.

A few years ago, knowing this would have made me feel defeated. But now, I feel grateful. I am not the person I was at the beginning of my marriage. I am excited to share in this journey with the man God blessed me with, and I am thankful I still have the opportunity to get it right. Glory to our God!

My husband and I, like all married couples, faced many difficult challenges. But I would not change any part of our journey. It is what makes us unique, and it is what makes us sensitive to other married couples.

When I finished my Marriage Lessons blog posts, I was happy to move on to the next subject. But the subject of marriage stayed on my heart. Therefore, if God sees fit to use me to speak on the subject, I will submit to his will and trust the process. It is not because I know everything, but because the lessons I have learned, in part, saved my marriage.

Marriage is the one relationship that is meant to mirror Christ, yet many marriages do not. My husband and I are much better than we were twelve years ago, but as I mentioned, each of us are a work in progress. It is my hope and prayer that by sharing my journey once again, you will begin to desire the type of marriage God intended.

As my anniversary approaches, I hope you don’t mind if I share my journey with you. The journey of my work in progress that will lead to our 13th wedding anniversary and beyond!

Blessings.

Marriage Lessons- Week 12

I am overjoyed. This is the final week of the Marriage Lessons. God is so good. I have been encouraged and uplifted as you have read, liked, commented, and followed my posts. I am grateful for every obstacle I faced in my marriage; whether it was my fault or just our journey. God has once again proven himself to be faithful. Today’s final lesson in the series is…

Lesson 12. NEVER GIVE UP

NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR MARRIAGE. Sometimes this is easier said than done. When I look back over the most tumultuous circumstances my husband and I faced, I am grateful we trusted God and walked through it. Sure, I did not feel that way while experiencing it, but I am better for it and so is my marriage. Those trials made us stronger as individuals. Our faith was made stronger and our commitment to each other deepened. Your marriage is worth fighting for. Your children are worth fighting for. If no one else is on your side, God is! Ask him for help, ask him for guidance, and ask Him for grace to get you through…when you don’t want to.

The scripture I leave with you today is found in Romans 12:12 and it says, Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”

My Marriage Lesson & Your Lesson
1. Never give up

Scripture:
Romans 12:12

Now, let’s recap on the eleven lessons discussed over the past twelve weeks….

Marriage Lessons-(12-week-series)-Week 11

Happy Labor Day! Today is week eleven of the Marriage Lessons.

Lesson 11.    Being married to someone called to ministry is another level of sacrifice…work together

I was already in love and engaged for over a year; there was no turning back. We had faced so much in just one year of being engaged and I had no idea why. But I remember the day God revealed the reason and I remember it well. Someone I loved and trusted looked at the both of us and said, He’s called to be a pastor, and God has sent you to protect his heart and his blind side.” We both stood there stunned, eyes wide open.

After I let her words settle in, I became angry because long before I dated, I told God I did not want to be married to someone called to ministry. Truth is, I wanted my husband all to myself. I did not know much about ministry, but I knew I would have to share, and I knew there would be a level of sacrifice. However, the day I stood at the altar and said my vows, I knew my husband was called to ministry and I accepted it. However, I did not realize that meant I was called too.

I learned early, by way of watching successful married couples in ministry, the demands of it all. I learned women may be attracted to my spouse and not because of the calling God has on his life. I learned that when your spouse gets attacked spirituality, it will affect you too.

I learned it’s not always about you. I learned you must be mature and know who you are in Christ, so you can fulfill the destiny God has ordained for your life. I learned that understanding your spiritual gift will make it easier to understand your spouses’ gift. I learned to pray and ask for patience to deal with my husband when he is experiencing different emotions or mood swings because of the demands of his calling. And I learned to pray for my own emotions, so I can help him and not hinder him. Thankfully, I learned all this before anything became official.

Finally, I learned if your mate has a calling, you do too, and it will mean compromising, but not all the time. When it comes to marriage and ministry, there is no blueprint, but I have learned over the years to seek God’s wisdom and Godly advice. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.” One way to have success in marriage and ministry is understanding there is a time for everything. A time to minister, but also a time just for you and your spouse.

In some ways, a minister’s role is like being married to a doctor, lawyer, or any other professional that touches people’s lives. You must learn to balance it all with God’s help. Some professionals deal with the body, while a minister of the Lord deals with the soul.

Don’t expect to get it right all the time. Strive to do your best while keeping your marriage first and God at the center.

My Marriage Lesson & Your Marriage Lesson
1. Know who you’re marrying and prepare
2. Seek God for wisdom if your spouse is called to ministry or any other demanding career
3. It will take time and understanding; ask God for patience – Seek out Godly people with the same scenario
4. Your journey is your own

Scriptures
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

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