Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 8

Hello friends! Welcome to week eight of the Marriage Lessons! I am so grateful for what the Lord has allowed me to share with you. I pray you are being encouraged and uplifted. In your spare time, I encourage you to read last weeks lesson titled “do not compare.” God bless you!

Lesson 8. Do not be a nagging wife…men HATE it.

Was I a nag? Oh no, not me. I am a Godly wife and I would never nag my husband. Those were all the things I thought of myself until God showed me myself.

I NEVER thought of myself as a nag. I just wanted him to see things my way. I began to make the same statements repeatedly, but it seemed he still was not getting it. I thought, “what else do I have to do?” Well, I decided I would continue to repeat myself and eventually he will get it…wrong.

I knew a lot of what I was saying was right. In fact, many of the things I tried to share with my husband came straight from the throne of heaven, but for some reason, my husband could not see or hear it. Perhaps it is was because of my tone.

After realizing my way was not working, I decided to wise up. I desired to be a Godly wife, a Proverbs 31 wife. So, I learned how to pray. The Lord showed me timing was key to approaching my husband. I learned that setting the tone, creating the atmosphere and having the right heart when approaching your husband is key to achieving the response you desire. Later, I understood God observes our heart and the motives behind it.

Being a nag will cause your husband to do the opposite of what you want him to do. In fact, nagging will cause your husband not to want to be around. Proverbs 25:24 says, “it is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” YIKES! Believe me, it is true. At the beginning of my marriage, I nagged a lot and it proved to cause problems and not solve them. As my husband and I grew in our marriage (and I did not nag anymore) I asked him how it made him feel and he told me, it made him not want to come home (OUCH)!

There will be times God will give you (the wife) insight and wisdom into a situation. There may be times our husbands are unable to receive from us; therefore, the key to getting our husbands to listen is to pray, ask for the right timing, and watch your tone. I promise you, doing it God’s way produces ripe fruit that both you and your husband will benefit from.

My Marriage Lesson & Your Marriage Lesson
1. Seek God about becoming a Godly wife
2. Do not nag
3. Prayer, timing, and tone is everything

Scriptures
Proverbs 25:24
Ecclesiastes 3:1

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 7

Hello Family! I am enjoying this time with you. I pray you are being blessed and gaining insight into your marriage with the lessons being shared. Today is week seven of the Marriage Lessons. Last weeks lesson covered “privacy in your marriage.” I hope you will read it. 

Lesson 7. Do not compare your mate or your marriage to someone else

At one time or another have you ever compared yourself to someone else? Perhaps in terms of your appearance, status, or personality. What did you gain from it? Did you feel better about yourself? Probably not. I am sure what you learned is comparing yourself to someone else is harmful and does not add to your life in any way.

Thus, if comparing yourself to an individual is detrimental, imagine comparing your marital relationship to someone else’s. Truth is we never know what is going on in someone’s relationship. As I have stated in past lessons, ALL marriages have problems, but oftentimes we look on the outside and assume all is well. Sometimes we compare ourselves and feel we should be doing better in some way. Other times, we go so far as to want what they appear to have which is worse than comparing, it is coveting.

The famous saying, “the grass always looks greener,” is true regarding the appearance of the grass. However, underneath the greenery, you may find rotted soil. Truth is, it is deception!

After many years of going through a trial in my marriage, I got tired. Sure, I was praying and asking God when things would change, but I was still weary. I allowed myself to focus so much on what was happening that I began to compare my marriage to the “happy looking” couples. I would think, why aren’t they going through anything? Foolish right? Much later, after God delivered us, I looked back and saw how foolish I was, and you know what, the couple that I looked too divorced!

Galatians 6:4-5 states “each of you must examine your own actions. Then you can be proud of your own accomplishments without comparing yourself to others.  Assume your own responsibility.”

The truth is the only person we should be comparing our marriage to our bridegroom Jesus Christ! In our marriage, we should follow God by caring for our spouse as he does for us. Christ loves us, forgives us, covers us, and guides us. If you are following the example of Christ, there is no need to compare. God’s way is the only perfect example to follow.

Unless you live with another couple, you do not know what goes on in their home. Therefore, focus on improving the areas in your marriage and do what works for your spouse not what appears to work in another relationship. Remember, the view you see in others is very limited.

My Marriage Lesson & Your Marriage Lesson
1. Don’t be deceived
2. Follow Christ’ example for your marriage
3. Appreciate the gifts and qualities in your spouse
3. Celebrate the positive areas in your marriage
5. Instead of comparing, work on those areas of weakness in your marriage together

Scriptures
Exodus 20:17
Galatians 6:4-5

 

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 6

Hello Friends! It is week six of the Marriage Lessons!  Below is this weeks lesson. If you missed it, please read last week’s lesson titled Your marriage should be first…

Lesson 6. Your marriage should be private (with some exceptions)

Every marriage has problems and your job is to submit those problems to the Lord, not to share them with friends, family, co-workers, or your parents. Sometimes sharing your private matters can be a detrimental mistake. In some instances, after you share certain details about your spouse, the individual may have a different and negative perspective about him.

Keeping your marriage private is a lesson I learned very early in my marriage. Before my husband and I wed, we faced some financial obstacles in preparing for the wedding. I shared some of the details with a few people helping me with my wedding and thought that was as far as the conversation would go. A few weeks later, someone that I never speak with approached me and said, “don’t worry about the financial issues you had, you’re married now.” I was in complete shock! I said to myself NEVER AGAIN. I learned if you cannot trust someone with an insignificant issue, you certainly cannot trust them with an important one.

After some time, I realized there were exceptions. There were times I needed advice and sometimes I needed to vent.  In those instances, I learned to ask God for wisdom about who to talk with. James 1:5 says, “if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” It took a while, but God showed me who I could speak with and who I could trust.

**If you are being threatened or harmed in any way, it is imperative that you seek help immediately. Your life is more important than keeping a secret that threatens your life.

If your situation is critical, and you must speak with someone sooner rather than later, professional counseling is another option. Professional counselors take an oath not to share your information.

As a Christian married couple, it is important to have someone you can confide in. The bible tells us in Galatians 6:2, “carry each other’s burdens and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” As believers, we need each other. God does not desire that we go through every situation alone, but the key is seeking God about who you desire to help you carry your burdens.

My Marriage Lesson and Your Marriage Lesson
1. Keep your marriage private
2. Seek God for wisdom about who to speak with
3. Professional Counseling is okay

Scriptures:
Proverbs 11:14
Proverbs 27:17
Galatians 6:2
James 5:16

 

A Quick Marriage Lesson – Time Reveals

Last night I was watching the new show “We’re the Campbells” featuring Erica Campbell from the gospel group Mary-Mary.  I enjoy this show a lot. It is nice to have a wholesome television show.

In the latest episode, Erica Campbell revealed a childhood secret that she never mentioned to her husband (I will not tell it). Her husband made the point that they have been together for over 20 years and have been married for 17, yet he never knew this detail about her.

My husband and I have not been married as long as the Campbells, but I can say in 15 years of being with him and over twelve years of marriage, we are still learning things about each other and our past.

Praying, talking and having an open and honest relationship with your spouse is essential because over time, as your spouse becomes more and more comfortable with you, they will reveal more about themselves to you.

I encourage you to strive towards learning your spouse so as they open their heart to you they can trust you with the secrets inside it.

#timereveals #secretsrevealed #gettoknowthem #ittakestime #

 

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 5

God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it;  –  Genesis 1:27-28

Hello everyone! It is week five of the marriage lesson. I pray you are being encouraged as you read the posts. Below is this week’s lesson.

Lesson 5. Your marriage should be first, not your children

To help keep love in your home and frustration at bay, it is important to establish God’s order for your marriage. That order should be, God, your spouse, and your children. Anytime this order is disrupted, especially for an extended period, your marriage will be affected. I have seen many couples put their children before their marriage and each time I’ve seen it, I see a couple grow further apart. And many times, this happens rather innocently.

I desired a great relationship with my husband. I wanted my children to see what a good relationship looked like because I did not see it growing up. Therefore, I thought this lesson would come easily to me. However, even with the best intentions, there were many bumps in the road in trying to keep my marriage a priority.

In the beginning, we were a newly blended family getting to know each other and juggling our new lives.  To add to the juggling act, we had two more children within two years! Because of our circumstances, we both quickly realized our children took first place. We knew it would be temporary but did not realize how difficult the waiting period would be. And because we did not have the privilege of grandparents, there were no date nights or nights to ourselves for about a year.

Although our children took precedence over our relationship, we still made time to talk to each other. At the end of the night, we talked and shared what we were feeling. Doing that allowed us to continue to feel close even though our children were nearby.

Above anything else, establishing a good marriage is crucial. Not only will it keep you both happy, but you will be demonstrating to your children the power of love and commitment.

If you have children, especially young children, this will more than likely happen in your marriage too. But I want to encourage you to make time to nurture your relationship. Talk, take walks (with the children if necessary), kiss each other. Find small ways to let your husband or wife know they are still a priority even though the children are too. It is only temporary!

My Marriage Lesson
1. Keep God’s order (God – Spouse – Children)
2. Nurture your relationship daily
3. Talk often and share your feelings

Your Lesson
1. Keep God’s order
2. Spend adequate time with your spouse to keep intimacy alive
3. Your current circumstances are only temporary

Scriptures
Genesis 1:27
Genesis 1:28
Genesis 2:20-21

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 4

It is week four of the marriage lessons. I pray you are being encouraged as you read each post. To read the last few lessons, please follow this link. This week’s post is short, sweet, but important!

I apologize for not posting yesterday, (Monday, is my usual day), but my husband and I were taking advantage of Lesson 4!

Lesson 4. Never stop dating (make your spouse first)

It is very easy to become an “old married couple” so you must work hard at not allowing it to happen. When we first meet someone, we love being with them…all the time! We want to spend every moment with them and we are sad when we must leave their presence. However, once we are married and life changes such as children, in-laws, careers, church and everything else, we can put our spouses on the back burner and before you know it, you are not doing the things you once did.

To maintain the closeness in your relationship, it is important to take time out of your schedules and have a date. It does not have to be an expensive trip, but if you can, please do! The point is not the expense, but the time you put into being together. This keeps the romance alive and allows your friendship to grow. Take time to date at least once a week. Rekindle the fire you once had or rather do not allow the fire to go out.

My husband is busy a lot, however, one of the things he enjoys doing is driving, especially long distances. At least once a week we just get in the car and ride. We have our most intimate conversations in the car. Yes, there are times we go to a restaurant or museum or stay the night out in another city, but there is nothing better than those times we spend together just talking.

There is nothing better in your marriage than your spouse giving their most intimate part of themselves to you and that is their heart. Treasure it always.

My Lesson Learned
1. Never stop dating
2. Date like you did when you first met
3. Make your spouse a priority

Your Lesson
1. Never stop dating
2. Plan a quick getaway with your spouse

 

 

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 3

Praying always in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints” – Ephesians 6:18

Hello everyone! I hope you are enjoying the Marriage Lessons blog posts. As I write these lessons to you so many memories come flooding back to some very difficult times in my marriage; but I am in awe of how far I have come in my marriage and I am thankful to the Lord. I invite you to read the previous blog posts at your leisure. I promise you will be blessed.

Lesson 3. Praying for your spouse is essential to the overall well-being of your marriage

 Prayer is a powerful weapon. It keeps us connected to God and helps us to stay alert against the devils’ schemes. In marriage, prayer helps you to fortify your spouse especially through times of personal hardship. Ephesians 6:18 tells us to “persevere in prayer and make supplication for all saints and that includes our husbands.

Regardless of what season of marriage you are in, there will always be issues your spouse will face as an individual. Whether your spouse shares their issues with you or not, praying for your spouse is a blessing. As wives, prayer is ONE of our greatest weapons.

As wives it is easier for us to share our hearts because God made us that way; however, for our husbands it is different. Husbands don’t always reveal what’s going in their hearts and this can be for several reasons. Fear of being vulnerable, fear of being looked upon as weak, or simply being embarrassed, and the list goes on. Setting time aside to pray for your spouse is beneficial to both of you as there will be times God will reveal your spouses’ heart when they don’t reveal it to you personally.

For example, what if the enemy is trying to entice your spouse back to his old lifestyle, (drugs, infidelity, or lying). How do you handle it especially if they don’t share their temptation? I will give you two very personal examples.

About 6 years ago, a young lady who was a new member of our previous church befriended my husband. Thankfully, he had enough wisdom to introduce her to me. When I met her, something in my spirit did not “click”, but I could not figure out what it was. About a month later, God revealed who she really was. I told my husband he needed to leave her alone, and he didn’t agree. He told me he didn’t see anything. So instead of arguing, I went into my arsenal or prayer. I boldly asked God to show my husband who she was. God is AMAZING, because the next morning as my husband came downstairs from waking up, he had a very disturbing look on his face. I asked him “what was wrong?” He said I had a dream about_____ (nope not saying her name) 😊. I said what happened, he said “in the dream, she attempted to touch me inappropriately and I abruptly pushed her hand away.” Then he said, “you were right, I’m sorry.” And that my friend is the power of prayer. God will block things that your spouse cannot or will not see. Our God is powerful and when it comes to marriage, he is on our side.

What if your spouse is dealing with a very difficult boss at work? In the beginning of my marriage, my husband was employed at a horrible place, but at the time he was doing what he needed to for our family and I understood that. He never complained, but I remember times he would come home so defeated, tired, and frustrated. This this went on for months. One day he came home from work and I saw the look of frustration on his face so strong that I prayed immediately. When I was done praying I said, you need to quit your job. He asked if I was sure and I said yes, and when he could tell I had peace about it, the look of relief was on his face. The next day he went to work, and he gave his notice. About a week later he got a better job paying double what he was making. That’s the power of God in praying for your spouse. And the best part is we both reaped the benefits of prayer and obedience.

I encourage you to pray for your spouse as well as declare the word of God over your spouse. The bible says,” the word of God is powerful and quick and sharper than any two-edged sword.”

My Lesson Learned
1. Prayer is powerful
2. Pray for your spouse without ceasing
3. My prayers have the power to change things
4. Trust and watch God for the outcome

Your Lesson
1. Know that your prayers are powerful
2. Your prayers have the power to change things
3.  Praise God for the outcome

Scriptures
Ephesians 6:18
Matthew 18:18–20
Hebrews 4:12

BONUS**
Download a free copy of my e-book titled “7 Days of Praying for Your Husband.” It will help you on your journey.