Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Sometimes, it is about YOU!

_revised_self care

As women, we do it all! We work full-time, raise our children (sometimes alone), take care of our husbands, go to school, run businesses, listen to others in their time of need, volunteer at church and other organizations and the list goes on. We should be proud of the things we do as well as our accomplishments. But how many of us can say we make sure to take time for ourselves as women?

How many of us practice the task of self-care? How many of us look like a boss on the outside, but are falling apart on the inside? And what happens when it all comes crashing down? Ladies I want to encourage you to strive for the practice of self-care. That means taking time just to take care of you and no one but you. If that means sending the children away, do it. If it means calling out of work, by all means, call out and if it means taking a Sunday (YES Sunday) to focus on you, please feel free. We must always remember we cannot be good to anyone else if we are not good to ourselves.

When I got married, I went in like gangbusters. I was ready to be a wife and I could not wait to take care of my family. For the first five years of my marriage, I did it all, and I do mean ALL. I had a very well-run home and my family was grateful for my presence and what I did for them; however, inwardly, I was falling apart. One of my FAVORITE things to do was (still is) to get a manicure and pedicure. In the beginning, I took time to do this at least bi-weekly or monthly, but over time, I stopped. For some strange reason, after I wed, I felt like it was no longer allowed because I needed to take care of everyone else. So, when I did take time for myself I felt guilty because I believed I did not deserve it. My husband would tell me to go and get my nails done, but I would make an excuse not to go.

Unfortunately, this was a mental limitation I placed on myself and I did not realize it until one day I had a major meltdown and my family (all boys) looked at me as if I lost my mind. After venting, I realized I forgot about myself.

As wives, we have a responsibility to our families, but we also have a responsibility to ourselves. God desires that his children have an abundant life and that includes our overall well-being.

As we continue to care for those around us, let us remember to care for the one person we cannot live without and that’s YOU.

Love you all,
Darlene
#healedtospeak

For tips, download Tips for self-care PDF.

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

My struggle with Mother’s Day

I love the Golden Girls! To this day, I watch episodes almost every night before I go to bed; I love it just that much. Not too long ago, I watched an episode of the ladies recounting their Mother’s Day stories. I laughed most of the way through and at that moment, the Lord showed me myself laughing. I know he took that moment to show me how far I had come. You see for about 20 years, I hated Mother’s Day. While most people around me were happy, I wasn’t.

I never wanted to go to church because there was always a program focused on Mother’s. No matter how much I tried, I could not enjoy it because of the lack of relationship I had with my mother. Later in life, my mother and I began to build a relationship. I was overjoyed and looked forward to us spending our first Mother’s Day together. Unfortunately, before that could happen, she suffered a horrific accident and died unexpectedly. Every Mother’s Day after that I hated it even more. I was so depressed as I watched Mothers and daughters love each other that day. It was a reminder of what I never had and what I craved so desperately.

God has definitely healed my heart as each year is better than the year before, but I still don’t look forward to the day. I am grateful to be honored by my husband and children, but we know nothing takes the place of the relationship with your mother. It is a loss that will always be felt.

Some of you may not share similar feelings as to why you dislike Mother’s Day, but no matter what your reason I can relate to your pain. Perhaps you don’t hate the day, but it is a reminder of the mother you loved and lost. I want to encourage you this week to enjoy the day anyway.

I will keep you in prayer as we get through this day together. My prayer is that we would feel the Lord’s presence as he holds our hearts in his hand not only during this week but for as long we need.

Happy Mother’s Day!
Love you all,
Darlene
#healedtospeak

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Why I Started My Blog…

I had a childhood full of abuse and pain. As I got older, I dealt with many residual issues because of it. I did not trust people, I did not feel safe physically or emotionally, I got into wrong relationships intimately, socially and spiritually; I looked for love from people instead of receiving love from God, I did not like myself, I did not think I was pretty, I did not believe I was intelligent. When I got close to someone, it was easy for me to throw them away at the slightest notion that they would hurt me. I smiled through so many tears. I was depressed a lot and I felt I could trust NO ONE with my private struggles, secrets, and fears.

For years, I went to church as a completely broken person. Many times, I went to the altar for prayer and comfort, but many times felt nothing. I felt like I could not take one more thing; but ONE DAY, it all changed. One Sunday I remember there was an altar call
(I don’t remember what for). I pretty much ran down the aisle praying to God that he would use someone to help me, and that day He did.

A woman of God came up to me and the first words out of her mouth were, “God loves you.” I remember immediately breaking down and crying uncontrollably. It was the first time I heard those words and it was like God was whispering it to me and me only. And that day began my long journey to healing.

Several years after the Lord delivered me from many of my issues (I still have more 😊), I realized other women were experiencing some of the same pain I did. I learned women were broken and needed to talk, cry, scream and let it out. I learned many women sought healing, but did not know how to get it, where to get it, or how to let God in to receive it. Several women from my job, on the street, from almost anywhere and any age would begin talking to me and sharing their very personal stories. It took me a moment to catch on and realize God was using me as a listening ear. It was easy for me to listen because I knew the pain associated with not being able to talk and the pain of holding in secrets.

I started this blog to let women in pain know I LOVE them and I understand their pain. I know what it is like not to feel love, to go after love and receive hurt, not to trust and then smile through depression and tears while raising a child. I know what it is like to use relationships and material things to fill a void that only God can fill. I know what it is like to run from God out of fear that he will take things away; and I know what it is like to run back to him and then run away from him again.

I started this blog to tell women to drop the misconceptions of who you are supposed to be and just be who God created you to be. I created this blog to let women know you can be healed, but the choice is yours.

I started this blog to let women know that when you are finally healed, you will still be a work in progress…and IT IS OKAY. Just keep your faith and trust in Jesus. As we go through life we learn some things happen instantaneously and other times it is a process. It is the same with the healing journey. It is God’s will that we are healed, but the process is different for each individual. I started this blog to let you know I am here for you; whether it’s talking praying or just simply listening, I am here to help you through your journey as God sees fit for me to help.

Most importantly, I created this blog because God called me to. He decided to use me as a vessel to let you know He wants you to be healed. He has great plans for your life. His plans are so great that you cannot fathom them in your heart. Jesus is the ULTIMATE healer and I would not be healed if it was not for His love, grace, and patience towards me. And I want you to know he will extend the same love, grace, and patience towards you through your journey to healing.

I am grateful for the opportunity.

I truly love you all,
Darlene
#healedtospeak

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

"Let The Past Die"

 
Isaiah 43:18 – Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
 

“Let the Past Die” is a line spoken by one of the characters in the most recent movie Star Wars: The Last Jedi. It is my husbands’ FAVORITE line in the entire movie and it has much relevance and truth.

The bible tells us not to dwell on the past. Dwelling on past mistakes, failures or relationships will hinder us from moving forward and pressing towards what God truly has for us. Therefore, we must let go with the assurance that the Lord has something better.

About 17 years ago, I recall trying to hold onto a relationship that was completely wrong (hindsight is always 20/20). The main reason I wanted to hold on was because he was the father of my first-born child and quite honestly, I did not want to be alone and pregnant. I also did not want the stigma associated with being a single mother; so at the time it was easier to hold onto something that I knew was not real rather than face my reality.
After a couple years, the relationship ended; however, I still did not get the hint. Although we were no longer together, I held on anyway. In my mind, things would work out no matter how many people he dated and regardless of what his mother and others told me.
Two years later, when I finally had enough, I decided to let go. Unfortunately, I did not leave unscathed. It took many years to heal from the issues I endured in the relationship and it was my fault. Much later, I wondered what baggage I would have avoided if I had left sooner. During my time of singleness, I learned how to enjoy it. I learned how to walk with God, raise my son on my own and be happy. When I felt condemned because of my mistakes, I learned to forgive myself and decided I would not dwell on the past. This is exactly what God wants us to do. Repent and keep it moving.
Five years later, as I was living my life and minding God’s business, He sent my husband.  
It is interesting how tightly we hold on to the things God wants us to let go. With our finite minds, we believe we know what is best and we sometimes believe we cannot live without the thing the Lord wants to take from us.
How many of us have held on to something and not let go? We know it is not working, but because of fear, embarrassment or familiarity, we hold on anyway.  Perhaps it is not a relationship but a dead end job or a friendship. Is it time to let go? I guarantee you based on God’s word that he is about to bless you, but only if you release the past to Him and let it go!
Love you all
Darlene
#healedtospeak
Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

God, I Did It Right This Time…

            Psalm 34:18 – The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

 

After being married for almost a year, I became pregnant with my first child. I was elated and a little scared at the same time because it had been ten years since that last time I was pregnant; but I was ready.

I thought to myself, this time I do not have to hide my belly; this time I can tell people; this time I am married and I have a man who truly loves me and is just as excited as I am about bringing a new life into the world. This time I am happy.

Then on Friday, November 23, 2007, it all changed. I went to work feeling good, but as the day progressed, I began to feel worse. I experienced cramping and later spotting. After I got home, I told my husband what I was experiencing and we reluctantly went to the emergency room.
We went to the hospital that evening and spoke with a cold and unsympathetic doctor who told us we were experiencing a miscarriage. I could not believe it and neither did my husband. Earlier that day, I had a feeling that it was happening but did not want to believe it so I prayed against it. Unfortunately, the miscarriage was becoming my truth.
How did things change so suddenly? This morning, I was happy with anticipation and by evening I had a feeling of grief so deep I could not share it enough to articulate. As the weekend slowly wore on, my heartbreak increased. Then, finally, it was over. I visited the doctor on Monday morning and there was no more baby. My brokenness was unbearable.
Then I thought, “God, I did it right this time.” I got married first and then had my baby. “Why is this happening?” “Did God love me?” If so, “Why did he allow this?” “Was I being punished for the things I did in my past?” “Is this punishment for having my first child out of wedlock?” “God Why?”
So…what do you do when you “do it right” and it still does not work out? You stand, trust and believe God’s plan for your life. Seems easy, but it is not especially when you are in the midst of your pain.  There are so many scriptures I could give, that give credence to this, but the one that comes to mind is one of my favorites which is Jeremiah 29:11, “for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
A year later, I became pregnant again and we had our first son and two years after that, God gave me another baby that was part of His plan, but certainly not part of ours…lol…Praise God.

God gave me double for my pain and beauty for my ashes.  

The pain of losing a child never goes away, but I have peace knowing that I will see her at the appointed time. The bottom line is God is always in control even when things are out of control. He has a perfect plan that will always benefit us. However, it does not mean we will not experience pain to get to joy. But we still must trust the plan.

Love you all,

Darlene
#healedtospeak