Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 4

It is week four of the marriage lessons. I pray you are being encouraged as you read each post. To read the last few lessons, please follow this link. This week’s post is short, sweet, but important!

I apologize for not posting yesterday, (Monday, is my usual day), but my husband and I were taking advantage of Lesson 4!

Lesson 4. Never stop dating (make your spouse first)

It is very easy to become an “old married couple” so you must work hard at not allowing it to happen. When we first meet someone, we love being with them…all the time! We want to spend every moment with them and we are sad when we must leave their presence. However, once we are married and life changes such as children, in-laws, careers, church and everything else, we can put our spouses on the back burner and before you know it, you are not doing the things you once did.

To maintain the closeness in your relationship, it is important to take time out of your schedules and have a date. It does not have to be an expensive trip, but if you can, please do! The point is not the expense, but the time you put into being together. This keeps the romance alive and allows your friendship to grow. Take time to date at least once a week. Rekindle the fire you once had or rather do not allow the fire to go out.

My husband is busy a lot, however, one of the things he enjoys doing is driving, especially long distances. At least once a week we just get in the car and ride. We have our most intimate conversations in the car. Yes, there are times we go to a restaurant or museum or stay the night out in another city, but there is nothing better than those times we spend together just talking.

There is nothing better in your marriage than your spouse giving their most intimate part of themselves to you and that is their heart. Treasure it always.

My Lesson Learned
1. Never stop dating
2. Date like you did when you first met
3. Make your spouse a priority

Your Lesson
1. Never stop dating
2. Plan a quick getaway with your spouse

 

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 3

Praying always in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints” – Ephesians 6:18

Hello everyone! I hope you are enjoying the Marriage Lessons blog posts. As I write these lessons to you so many memories come flooding back to some very difficult times in my marriage; but I am in awe of how far I have come in my marriage and I am thankful to the Lord. I invite you to read the previous blog posts at your leisure. I promise you will be blessed.

Lesson 3. Praying for your spouse is essential to the overall well-being of your marriage

 Prayer is a powerful weapon. It keeps us connected to God and helps us to stay alert against the devils’ schemes. In marriage, prayer helps you to fortify your spouse especially through times of personal hardship. Ephesians 6:18 tells us to “persevere in prayer and make supplication for all saints” and that includes our husbands.

Regardless of what season of marriage you are in, there will always be issues your spouse will face as an individual. Whether your spouse shares their issues with you or not, praying for your spouse is a blessing. As wives, prayer is ONE of our greatest weapons.

As wives it is easier for us to share our hearts because God made us that way; however, for our husbands it is different. Husbands don’t always reveal what’s going in their hearts and this can be for several reasons. Fear of being vulnerable, fear of being looked upon as weak, or simply being embarrassed, and the list goes on. Setting time aside to pray for your spouse is beneficial to both of you as there will be times God will reveal your spouses’ heart when they don’t reveal it to you personally.

For example, what if the enemy is trying to entice your spouse back to his old lifestyle, (drugs, infidelity, or lying). How do you handle it especially if they don’t share their temptation? I will give you two very personal examples.

About 6 years ago, a young lady who was a new member of our previous church befriended my husband. Thankfully, he had enough wisdom to introduce her to me. When I met her, something in my spirit did not “click”, but I could not figure out what it was. About a month later, God revealed who she really was. I told my husband he needed to leave her alone, and he didn’t agree. He told me he didn’t see anything. So instead of arguing, I went into my arsenal or prayer. I boldly asked God to show my husband who she was. God is AMAZING, because the next morning as my husband came downstairs from waking up, he had a very disturbing look on his face. I asked him “what was wrong?” He said I had a dream about_____ (nope not saying her name) 😊. I said what happened, he said “in the dream, she attempted to touch me inappropriately and I abruptly pushed her hand away.” Then he said, “you were right, I’m sorry.” And that my friend is the power of prayer. God will block things that your spouse cannot or will not see. Our God is powerful and when it comes to marriage, he is on our side.

What if your spouse is dealing with a very difficult boss at work? In the beginning of my marriage, my husband was employed at a horrible place, but at the time he was doing what he needed to for our family and I understood that. He never complained, but I remember times he would come home so defeated, tired, and frustrated. This this went on for months. One day he came home from work and I saw the look of frustration on his face so strong that I prayed immediately. When I was done praying I said, you need to quit your job. He asked if I was sure and I said yes, and when he could tell I had peace about it, the look of relief was on his face. The next day he went to work, and he gave his notice. About a week later he got a better job paying double what he was making. That’s the power of God in praying for your spouse. And the best part is we both reaped the benefits of prayer and obedience.

I encourage you to pray for your spouse as well as declare the word of God over your spouse. The bible says,” the word of God is powerful and quick and sharper than any two-edged sword.”

My Lesson Learned
1. Prayer is powerful
2. Pray for your spouse without ceasing
3. My prayers have the power to change things
4. Trust and watch God for the outcome

Your Lesson
1. Know that your prayers are powerful
2. Your prayers have the power to change things
3.  Praise God for the outcome

Scriptures
Ephesians 6:18
Matthew 18:18–20
Hebrews 4:12

BONUS**
Download a free copy of my e-book titled “7 Days of Praying for Your Husband.” It will help you on your journey.
 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 2

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12

 Hello everyone!  Hope you enjoyed last week’s marriage lesson. If you did not have an opportunity to read it, don’t miss these valuable nuggets! Today begins week two of the marriage lesson. Enjoy!

 2. God must be at the center of your marriage (no exceptions).

Before embarking on a new endeavor such as starting a business, having a child, or investing it is important to do your research.

Some believe marrying the person God has ordained for them guarantees a smooth marriage, but I can tell you from personal experience, that is incorrect. You can read books, talk to married couples, and attend marriage seminars, all of which are helpful, but you will still encounter issues on your journey.

In our marriage, my husband and I participated in counseling, we read books, and I read plenty of books on my own, but it did not compare to being in the actual marriage. We quickly learned we had to think differently. But knowing it in your head and acting it out are two different things.

For the first five years of our marriage…yes five, my husband and I had many bumps in the road. I did not realize it would be difficult making the adjustment. There were aspects of marriage I looked forward to such as intimacy, cooking, and taking care of my family. But there were aspects that were harder to figure out like how to blend our families, how to make time for each other, how to deal with our exes, and how to balance church activities.

In the beginning, we did everything on our own not realizing we were leaving God out of the triple-braided cord. Sometimes my husband made major decisions without talking to me and the results were disastrous. It also allowed the enemy to get in and attack us as a couple and individually. How in the world could we conquer anything if we were not standing together?

We knew we could not have a successful marriage continuing the way we were. At that point, we put God in the center of our marriage. This meant when decisions needed to be made, we had to pray first, wait for an answer, and move forward together. There were times I did not agree with decisions my husband made, but I learned the agreement was more important than the decision. As a wife, I learned if I didn’t agree, my job was to pray. God ALWAYS came through for me when I relied on him. And this was better than complaining and nagging. When the decision turned out to be right I praised God and my husband, but when it was wrong, I still loved on my husband and God in his grace and mercy, fixed it (in His time). As Christians, we must remember that in our bad decisions, God works everything out for our good.

It is very easy to lose focus and do everything except what you should be doing, therefore, keeping God at the center must be intentional. After twelve years, we are still learning to keep God at the center. One thing about God, he will allow you to go around the same mountain until you pass the test. So it is best to get it right on the first try, but I thank God for his grace on the second…and third try.

My Lesson Learned
1. Seek God together – It doesn’t mean everyday single day, (if you can, great), but make praying together a priority. It will keep your marriage on track
2. Be intentional about your marriage. Sit down and make decisions together, when it doesn’t work out, keeping seeking God, because it will eventually.
3. Do your best to learn the lesson the first time, but God’s grace is sufficient on the second and third tries

Your Lesson
1. Take time this week to seek God together
2. Although making the decision is important, agreement is the goal
3. If you or your spouse do not agree, pray (individually and together if you can)
4. Do your best to learn the lesson the first time 😊

Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you for my spouse. When we must make difficult decisions, help us to rely on you for the answer. More importantly God, help us to walk in agreement, because when we do, you will bless us. I thank you God for the grace and mercy you have bestowed on us. Help us to always keep you in the center of our marriage because doing so will cause us to flourish. And father forgive us when the decisions are not right. I thank you in advance for your grace and mercy that will help us stand together and get through it. In Jesus Name.


Scripture References
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Romans 8:28
Matthew 18:19

Love you all
Darlene
Healed To Speak

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 1

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. – Ephesians 4:2-3

Marriage is wonderful! I can honestly say for the last twelve and a half years, I have been happily married…mostly 😊. In those twelve years, I have learned a lot about marriage through some advice, but mostly trial and error. Over the next twelve weeks, I will share with you twelve of the many lessons I have learned so far. I hope what I have learned will help you avoid some of the pitfalls I fell into.

Lesson #1-         Talking and communicating are not the same thing

I got married on Saturday and we had our first quarrel on Monday. Yup…Monday.
We started out talking and laughing and it was nice. As I continued to talk, it seemed my husband was no longer interested in what I had to say. It appeared as if he was spaced out or rather his head was in another place. I immediately got upset. I thought, we just got married and you are not interested in having an important conversation with me? I felt hurt and rejected. Instead of explaining how I felt, I let my hurt do the talking. I got up, threw a pair of pants at my husband, and walked out of the house. My husband had a look of bewilderment on his face. He couldn’t believe I could get so angry, and neither could I.

In a moment, we went from a friendly conversation to an angry exchange. Not long after our exchange, I went back home. When I got there, I sat down and shared how I felt. I told him I was hurt because it seemed he was no longer interested in talking. Right after I said that he apologized and said he started to experience severe back pain which is why it appeared he wasn’t interested.

Truth is both of us were guilty of not communicating our feelings to each other. We quickly learned we had to work on our communication skills and I had to work on my deep seeded issues with rejection (that I thought was over). We forgave each other and had a great rest of the night.

My Lesson Learned
1. Talking and communicating are not the same.
2. To communicate effectively, you must know your mate, and this takes time. Be patient      and gentle during the learning process.
3. Do not walk away angry but deal with the real issue at hand.

Your Lesson
1. Do not assume your spouse can read your thoughts. Say what you are feeling.
2. Use wisdom regarding when to share your feelings because timing is everything.
3. Pray, wait, then talk. Communication is something to work on each day.

Prayer
Father…In the name of Jesus. Thank you for my spouse. Help us to speak the truth to each other in love always. Lord, when I am angry, help me not to sin. Cause me to have self-control over my actions, attitude, and tongue. Help me to use a soft word as it turns away wrath. I thank you for our commitment to stand together in you. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Scripture References:
Ephesians 4:15
Proverbs 25:28
Ephesians 4:26

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

My struggle with Mother’s Day

I love the Golden Girls! To this day, I watch episodes almost every night before I go to bed; I love it just that much. Not too long ago, I watched an episode of the ladies recounting their Mother’s Day stories. I laughed most of the way through and at that moment, the Lord showed me myself laughing. I know he took that moment to show me how far I had come. You see for about 20 years, I hated Mother’s Day. While most people around me were happy, I wasn’t.

I never wanted to go to church because there was always a program focused on Mother’s. No matter how much I tried, I could not enjoy it because of the lack of relationship I had with my mother. Later in life, my mother and I began to build a relationship. I was overjoyed and looked forward to us spending our first Mother’s Day together. Unfortunately, before that could happen, she suffered a horrific accident and died unexpectedly. Every Mother’s Day after that I hated it even more. I was so depressed as I watched Mothers and daughters love each other that day. It was a reminder of what I never had and what I craved so desperately.

God has definitely healed my heart as each year is better than the year before, but I still don’t look forward to the day. I am grateful to be honored by my husband and children, but we know nothing takes the place of the relationship with your mother. It is a loss that will always be felt.

Some of you may not share similar feelings as to why you dislike Mother’s Day, but no matter what your reason I can relate to your pain. Perhaps you don’t hate the day, but it is a reminder of the mother you loved and lost. I want to encourage you this week to enjoy the day anyway.

I will keep you in prayer as we get through this day together. My prayer is that we would feel the Lord’s presence as he holds our hearts in his hand not only during this week but for as long we need.

Happy Mother’s Day!
Love you all,
Darlene
#healedtospeak