Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 7

Hello Family! I am enjoying this time with you. I pray you are being blessed and gaining insight into your marriage with the lessons being shared. Today is week seven of the Marriage Lessons. Last weeks lesson covered “privacy in your marriage.” I hope you will read it. 

Lesson 7. Do not compare your mate or your marriage to someone else

At one time or another have you ever compared yourself to someone else? Perhaps in terms of your appearance, status, or personality. What did you gain from it? Did you feel better about yourself? Probably not. I am sure what you learned is comparing yourself to someone else is harmful and does not add to your life in any way.

Thus, if comparing yourself to an individual is detrimental, imagine comparing your marital relationship to someone else’s. Truth is we never know what is going on in someone’s relationship. As I have stated in past lessons, ALL marriages have problems, but oftentimes we look on the outside and assume all is well. Sometimes we compare ourselves and feel we should be doing better in some way. Other times, we go so far as to want what they appear to have which is worse than comparing, it is coveting.

The famous saying, “the grass always looks greener,” is true regarding the appearance of the grass. However, underneath the greenery, you may find rotted soil. Truth is, it is deception!

After many years of going through a trial in my marriage, I got tired. Sure, I was praying and asking God when things would change, but I was still weary. I allowed myself to focus so much on what was happening that I began to compare my marriage to the “happy looking” couples. I would think, why aren’t they going through anything? Foolish right? Much later, after God delivered us, I looked back and saw how foolish I was, and you know what, the couple that I looked too divorced!

Galatians 6:4-5 states “each of you must examine your own actions. Then you can be proud of your own accomplishments without comparing yourself to others.  Assume your own responsibility.”

The truth is the only person we should be comparing our marriage to our bridegroom Jesus Christ! In our marriage, we should follow God by caring for our spouse as he does for us. Christ loves us, forgives us, covers us, and guides us. If you are following the example of Christ, there is no need to compare. God’s way is the only perfect example to follow.

Unless you live with another couple, you do not know what goes on in their home. Therefore, focus on improving the areas in your marriage and do what works for your spouse not what appears to work in another relationship. Remember, the view you see in others is very limited.

My Marriage Lesson & Your Marriage Lesson
1. Don’t be deceived
2. Follow Christ’ example for your marriage
3. Appreciate the gifts and qualities in your spouse
3. Celebrate the positive areas in your marriage
5. Instead of comparing, work on those areas of weakness in your marriage together

Scriptures
Exodus 20:17
Galatians 6:4-5

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Self-Care / Self-love

Some days all you need is good food, a good television series and peace and quiet. Today was one of those days for me. After a busy couple of months, today I decided it was about me. I skipped the gym, slept late then woke up and had fried fish for breakfast. I sat on my couch binge watched a Netflix series and loved every moment of it. Ladies and gentlemen take time for self-care, it can produce healing. Love you all. Have a great weekend!

Darlene@healedtospeak

Self-care

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 6

Hello Friends! It is week six of the Marriage Lessons!  Below is this weeks lesson. If you missed it, please read last week’s lesson titled Your marriage should be first…

Lesson 6. Your marriage should be private (with some exceptions)

Every marriage has problems and your job is to submit those problems to the Lord, not to share them with friends, family, co-workers, or your parents. Sometimes sharing your private matters can be a detrimental mistake. In some instances, after you share certain details about your spouse, the individual may have a different and negative perspective about him.

Keeping your marriage private is a lesson I learned very early in my marriage. Before my husband and I wed, we faced some financial obstacles in preparing for the wedding. I shared some of the details with a few people helping me with my wedding and thought that was as far as the conversation would go. A few weeks later, someone that I never speak with approached me and said, “don’t worry about the financial issues you had, you’re married now.” I was in complete shock! I said to myself NEVER AGAIN. I learned if you cannot trust someone with an insignificant issue, you certainly cannot trust them with an important one.

After some time, I realized there were exceptions. There were times I needed advice and sometimes I needed to vent.  In those instances, I learned to ask God for wisdom about who to talk with. James 1:5 says, “if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” It took a while, but God showed me who I could speak with and who I could trust.

**If you are being threatened or harmed in any way, it is imperative that you seek help immediately. Your life is more important than keeping a secret that threatens your life.

If your situation is critical, and you must speak with someone sooner rather than later, professional counseling is another option. Professional counselors take an oath not to share your information.

As a Christian married couple, it is important to have someone you can confide in. The bible tells us in Galatians 6:2, “carry each other’s burdens and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” As believers, we need each other. God does not desire that we go through every situation alone, but the key is seeking God about who you desire to help you carry your burdens.

My Marriage Lesson and Your Marriage Lesson
1. Keep your marriage private
2. Seek God for wisdom about who to speak with
3. Professional Counseling is okay

Scriptures:
Proverbs 11:14
Proverbs 27:17
Galatians 6:2
James 5:16

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

A Quick Marriage Lesson – Time Reveals

Last night I was watching the new show “We’re the Campbells” featuring Erica Campbell from the gospel group Mary-Mary.  I enjoy this show a lot. It is nice to have a wholesome television show.

In the latest episode, Erica Campbell revealed a childhood secret that she never mentioned to her husband (I will not tell it). Her husband made the point that they have been together for over 20 years and have been married for 17, yet he never knew this detail about her.

My husband and I have not been married as long as the Campbells, but I can say in 15 years of being with him and over twelve years of marriage, we are still learning things about each other and our past.

Praying, talking and having an open and honest relationship with your spouse is essential because over time, as your spouse becomes more and more comfortable with you, they will reveal more about themselves to you.

I encourage you to strive towards learning your spouse so as they open their heart to you they can trust you with the secrets inside it.

#timereveals #secretsrevealed #gettoknowthem #ittakestime #

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak · 1 Comment

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 5

God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it;  –  Genesis 1:27-28

Hello everyone! It is week five of the marriage lesson. I pray you are being encouraged as you read the posts. Below is this week’s lesson.

Lesson 5. Your marriage should be first, not your children

To help keep love in your home and frustration at bay, it is important to establish God’s order for your marriage. That order should be, God, your spouse, and your children. Anytime this order is disrupted, especially for an extended period, your marriage will be affected. I have seen many couples put their children before their marriage and each time I’ve seen it, I see a couple grow further apart. And many times, this happens rather innocently.

I desired a great relationship with my husband. I wanted my children to see what a good relationship looked like because I did not see it growing up. Therefore, I thought this lesson would come easily to me. However, even with the best intentions, there were many bumps in the road in trying to keep my marriage a priority.

In the beginning, we were a newly blended family getting to know each other and juggling our new lives.  To add to the juggling act, we had two more children within two years! Because of our circumstances, we both quickly realized our children took first place. We knew it would be temporary but did not realize how difficult the waiting period would be. And because we did not have the privilege of grandparents, there were no date nights or nights to ourselves for about a year.

Although our children took precedence over our relationship, we still made time to talk to each other. At the end of the night, we talked and shared what we were feeling. Doing that allowed us to continue to feel close even though our children were nearby.

Above anything else, establishing a good marriage is crucial. Not only will it keep you both happy, but you will be demonstrating to your children the power of love and commitment.

If you have children, especially young children, this will more than likely happen in your marriage too. But I want to encourage you to make time to nurture your relationship. Talk, take walks (with the children if necessary), kiss each other. Find small ways to let your husband or wife know they are still a priority even though the children are too. It is only temporary!

My Marriage Lesson
1. Keep God’s order (God – Spouse – Children)
2. Nurture your relationship daily
3. Talk often and share your feelings

Your Lesson
1. Keep God’s order
2. Spend adequate time with your spouse to keep intimacy alive
3. Your current circumstances are only temporary

Scriptures
Genesis 1:27
Genesis 1:28
Genesis 2:20-21