Marriage Lessons-(12-week-series) Week 10

This is week ten of the Marriage Lessons. The lessons are wrapping up quickly. I hope you are being encouraged!

Lesson 10 – Sexual intimacy is a special part of your marriage-ORDAINED BY GOD-…keep it alive

Before marriage, most of us are excited about the intimacy. We look forward to date nights, romantics trysts and everything in between. In my opinion, it seems intimacy would be the easiest aspect of marriage; however, for many reasons, it is not. For most, the beginning is wonderful and full of excitement. But, over time that excitement can fizzle. This can happen because of children, careers, or anything. But to be honest, nothing should get in the way of the intimate aspect of your marriage.

Before I married my husband, we discussed this part of our marriage and what we expected of each other.  We were very excited about what was to come. However, I never considered how difficult making time for intimacy could be. One of our biggest obstacles was blending our families. Before marriage, my husband had two sons ages six and ten and I had one son age eight. His youngest son did not live with us, however, he visited bi-weekly and was autistic. This entire dynamic (that I signed up for) added another layer of stress I did not expect.

There were times I was so exhausted by the time nightfall came, intimacy was out of the question. Not to mention working full-time as well as outside activities. We were eager to be with each other regularly, but there was so much stress dealing with our circumstances that we were both drained. We took time to get away, but for us, it was not enough. After our second year, I realized this part of our marriage was declining and I was not pleased with it and neither was God.

Looking back, I realize no one shared how difficult this part of your marriage could be no matter what the reason. Maybe I could have been prepared (probably not).

Perhaps your issue is not blending your family but making time for your spouse. Maybe you place your job/career ahead of your marriage. Maybe your ministry is first and not your spouse. Perhaps you and your spouse currently do not see eye to eye. Whatever the reason, if you do not take care of this part of your relationship…YOUR MARRIAGE WILL SUFFER because you will give room for the enemy to come in.

So…what do you do if this happens in your marriage? First, pray…ask God to help you and to forgive you. The Bible says in I Corinthians 7:3-5, “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.”
I encourage you to read the entire scripture here.

Second, have an open and honest discussion with your spouse. Communicate your emotions and pray together. Ask God to help you get back on track. Finally, go back to the beginning. Remember when you could not stay away from each other? You talked on the phone all night, took walks, went on as many dates as you could, spent all your time together, and enjoyed each other’s company. Go back to that! It may not be easy depending on how long you allowed issues and circumstances to overshadow the intimacy, but work at it! Don’t give up! It took time to dig the hole and it will take time to dig out of it. Stay with God and stay with each other and you will reap the benefits.

My Marriage Lesson & Your Marriage Lesson
1. Work at keeping the intimacy alive (if you are not careful, it can die)
2. Keep it fun…keep it spicy
3. Pray when the intimacy is good and when it is not so good (either way, you’re keeping God involved)
4. Counseling is your friend…embrace it; especially if the intimacy in your marriage has gone too far off track

Scriptures
I Corinthians 7:3-5
Proverbs 5:19
Hebrews 13:4

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 8

Hello friends! Welcome to week eight of the Marriage Lessons! I am so grateful for what the Lord has allowed me to share with you. I pray you are being encouraged and uplifted. In your spare time, I encourage you to read last weeks lesson titled “do not compare.” God bless you!

Lesson 8. Do not be a nagging wife…men HATE it.

Was I a nag? Oh no, not me. I am a Godly wife and I would never nag my husband. Those were all the things I thought of myself until God showed me myself.

I NEVER thought of myself as a nag. I just wanted him to see things my way. I began to make the same statements repeatedly, but it seemed he still was not getting it. I thought, “what else do I have to do?” Well, I decided I would continue to repeat myself and eventually he will get it…wrong.

I knew a lot of what I was saying was right. In fact, many of the things I tried to share with my husband came straight from the throne of heaven, but for some reason, my husband could not see or hear it. Perhaps it is was because of my tone.

After realizing my way was not working, I decided to wise up. I desired to be a Godly wife, a Proverbs 31 wife. So, I learned how to pray. The Lord showed me timing was key to approaching my husband. I learned that setting the tone, creating the atmosphere and having the right heart when approaching your husband is key to achieving the response you desire. Later, I understood God observes our heart and the motives behind it.

Being a nag will cause your husband to do the opposite of what you want him to do. In fact, nagging will cause your husband not to want to be around. Proverbs 25:24 says, “it is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” YIKES! Believe me, it is true. At the beginning of my marriage, I nagged a lot and it proved to cause problems and not solve them. As my husband and I grew in our marriage (and I did not nag anymore) I asked him how it made him feel and he told me, it made him not want to come home (OUCH)!

There will be times God will give you (the wife) insight and wisdom into a situation. There may be times our husbands are unable to receive from us; therefore, the key to getting our husbands to listen is to pray, ask for the right timing, and watch your tone. I promise you, doing it God’s way produces ripe fruit that both you and your husband will benefit from.

My Marriage Lesson & Your Marriage Lesson
1. Seek God about becoming a Godly wife
2. Do not nag
3. Prayer, timing, and tone is everything

Scriptures
Proverbs 25:24
Ecclesiastes 3:1

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 7

Hello Family! I am enjoying this time with you. I pray you are being blessed and gaining insight into your marriage with the lessons being shared. Today is week seven of the Marriage Lessons. Last weeks lesson covered “privacy in your marriage.” I hope you will read it. 

Lesson 7. Do not compare your mate or your marriage to someone else

At one time or another have you ever compared yourself to someone else? Perhaps in terms of your appearance, status, or personality. What did you gain from it? Did you feel better about yourself? Probably not. I am sure what you learned is comparing yourself to someone else is harmful and does not add to your life in any way.

Thus, if comparing yourself to an individual is detrimental, imagine comparing your marital relationship to someone else’s. Truth is we never know what is going on in someone’s relationship. As I have stated in past lessons, ALL marriages have problems, but oftentimes we look on the outside and assume all is well. Sometimes we compare ourselves and feel we should be doing better in some way. Other times, we go so far as to want what they appear to have which is worse than comparing, it is coveting.

The famous saying, “the grass always looks greener,” is true regarding the appearance of the grass. However, underneath the greenery, you may find rotted soil. Truth is, it is deception!

After many years of going through a trial in my marriage, I got tired. Sure, I was praying and asking God when things would change, but I was still weary. I allowed myself to focus so much on what was happening that I began to compare my marriage to the “happy looking” couples. I would think, why aren’t they going through anything? Foolish right? Much later, after God delivered us, I looked back and saw how foolish I was, and you know what, the couple that I looked too divorced!

Galatians 6:4-5 states “each of you must examine your own actions. Then you can be proud of your own accomplishments without comparing yourself to others.  Assume your own responsibility.”

The truth is the only person we should be comparing our marriage to our bridegroom Jesus Christ! In our marriage, we should follow God by caring for our spouse as he does for us. Christ loves us, forgives us, covers us, and guides us. If you are following the example of Christ, there is no need to compare. God’s way is the only perfect example to follow.

Unless you live with another couple, you do not know what goes on in their home. Therefore, focus on improving the areas in your marriage and do what works for your spouse not what appears to work in another relationship. Remember, the view you see in others is very limited.

My Marriage Lesson & Your Marriage Lesson
1. Don’t be deceived
2. Follow Christ’ example for your marriage
3. Appreciate the gifts and qualities in your spouse
3. Celebrate the positive areas in your marriage
5. Instead of comparing, work on those areas of weakness in your marriage together

Scriptures
Exodus 20:17
Galatians 6:4-5

 

Self-Care / Self-love

Some days all you need is good food, a good television series and peace and quiet. Today was one of those days for me. After a busy couple of months, today I decided it was about me. I skipped the gym, slept late then woke up and had fried fish for breakfast. I sat on my couch binge watched a Netflix series and loved every moment of it. Ladies and gentlemen take time for self-care, it can produce healing. Love you all. Have a great weekend!

Darlene@healedtospeak

Self-care

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 6

Hello Friends! It is week six of the Marriage Lessons!  Below is this weeks lesson. If you missed it, please read last week’s lesson titled Your marriage should be first…

Lesson 6. Your marriage should be private (with some exceptions)

Every marriage has problems and your job is to submit those problems to the Lord, not to share them with friends, family, co-workers, or your parents. Sometimes sharing your private matters can be a detrimental mistake. In some instances, after you share certain details about your spouse, the individual may have a different and negative perspective about him.

Keeping your marriage private is a lesson I learned very early in my marriage. Before my husband and I wed, we faced some financial obstacles in preparing for the wedding. I shared some of the details with a few people helping me with my wedding and thought that was as far as the conversation would go. A few weeks later, someone that I never speak with approached me and said, “don’t worry about the financial issues you had, you’re married now.” I was in complete shock! I said to myself NEVER AGAIN. I learned if you cannot trust someone with an insignificant issue, you certainly cannot trust them with an important one.

After some time, I realized there were exceptions. There were times I needed advice and sometimes I needed to vent.  In those instances, I learned to ask God for wisdom about who to talk with. James 1:5 says, “if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” It took a while, but God showed me who I could speak with and who I could trust.

**If you are being threatened or harmed in any way, it is imperative that you seek help immediately. Your life is more important than keeping a secret that threatens your life.

If your situation is critical, and you must speak with someone sooner rather than later, professional counseling is another option. Professional counselors take an oath not to share your information.

As a Christian married couple, it is important to have someone you can confide in. The bible tells us in Galatians 6:2, “carry each other’s burdens and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” As believers, we need each other. God does not desire that we go through every situation alone, but the key is seeking God about who you desire to help you carry your burdens.

My Marriage Lesson and Your Marriage Lesson
1. Keep your marriage private
2. Seek God for wisdom about who to speak with
3. Professional Counseling is okay

Scriptures:
Proverbs 11:14
Proverbs 27:17
Galatians 6:2
James 5:16

 

A Quick Marriage Lesson – Time Reveals

Last night I was watching the new show “We’re the Campbells” featuring Erica Campbell from the gospel group Mary-Mary.  I enjoy this show a lot. It is nice to have a wholesome television show.

In the latest episode, Erica Campbell revealed a childhood secret that she never mentioned to her husband (I will not tell it). Her husband made the point that they have been together for over 20 years and have been married for 17, yet he never knew this detail about her.

My husband and I have not been married as long as the Campbells, but I can say in 15 years of being with him and over twelve years of marriage, we are still learning things about each other and our past.

Praying, talking and having an open and honest relationship with your spouse is essential because over time, as your spouse becomes more and more comfortable with you, they will reveal more about themselves to you.

I encourage you to strive towards learning your spouse so as they open their heart to you they can trust you with the secrets inside it.

#timereveals #secretsrevealed #gettoknowthem #ittakestime #

 

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 5

God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it;  –  Genesis 1:27-28

Hello everyone! It is week five of the marriage lesson. I pray you are being encouraged as you read the posts. Below is this week’s lesson.

Lesson 5. Your marriage should be first, not your children

To help keep love in your home and frustration at bay, it is important to establish God’s order for your marriage. That order should be, God, your spouse, and your children. Anytime this order is disrupted, especially for an extended period, your marriage will be affected. I have seen many couples put their children before their marriage and each time I’ve seen it, I see a couple grow further apart. And many times, this happens rather innocently.

I desired a great relationship with my husband. I wanted my children to see what a good relationship looked like because I did not see it growing up. Therefore, I thought this lesson would come easily to me. However, even with the best intentions, there were many bumps in the road in trying to keep my marriage a priority.

In the beginning, we were a newly blended family getting to know each other and juggling our new lives.  To add to the juggling act, we had two more children within two years! Because of our circumstances, we both quickly realized our children took first place. We knew it would be temporary but did not realize how difficult the waiting period would be. And because we did not have the privilege of grandparents, there were no date nights or nights to ourselves for about a year.

Although our children took precedence over our relationship, we still made time to talk to each other. At the end of the night, we talked and shared what we were feeling. Doing that allowed us to continue to feel close even though our children were nearby.

Above anything else, establishing a good marriage is crucial. Not only will it keep you both happy, but you will be demonstrating to your children the power of love and commitment.

If you have children, especially young children, this will more than likely happen in your marriage too. But I want to encourage you to make time to nurture your relationship. Talk, take walks (with the children if necessary), kiss each other. Find small ways to let your husband or wife know they are still a priority even though the children are too. It is only temporary!

My Marriage Lesson
1. Keep God’s order (God – Spouse – Children)
2. Nurture your relationship daily
3. Talk often and share your feelings

Your Lesson
1. Keep God’s order
2. Spend adequate time with your spouse to keep intimacy alive
3. Your current circumstances are only temporary

Scriptures
Genesis 1:27
Genesis 1:28
Genesis 2:20-21