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Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 8

Hello friends! Welcome to week eight of the Marriage Lessons! I am so grateful for what the Lord has allowed me to share with you. I pray you are being encouraged and uplifted. In your spare time, I encourage you to read last weeks lesson titled “do not compare.” God bless you!

Lesson 8. Do not be a nagging wife…men HATE it.

Was I a nag? Oh no, not me. I am a Godly wife and I would never nag my husband. Those were all the things I thought of myself until God showed me myself.

I NEVER thought of myself as a nag. I just wanted him to see things my way. I began to make the same statements repeatedly, but it seemed he still was not getting it. I thought, “what else do I have to do?” Well, I decided I would continue to repeat myself and eventually he will get it…wrong.

I knew a lot of what I was saying was right. In fact, many of the things I tried to share with my husband came straight from the throne of heaven, but for some reason, my husband could not see or hear it. Perhaps it is was because of my tone.

After realizing my way was not working, I decided to wise up. I desired to be a Godly wife, a Proverbs 31 wife. So, I learned how to pray. The Lord showed me timing was key to approaching my husband. I learned that setting the tone, creating the atmosphere and having the right heart when approaching your husband is key to achieving the response you desire. Later, I understood God observes our heart and the motives behind it.

Being a nag will cause your husband to do the opposite of what you want him to do. In fact, nagging will cause your husband not to want to be around. Proverbs 25:24 says, “it is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” YIKES! Believe me, it is true. At the beginning of my marriage, I nagged a lot and it proved to cause problems and not solve them. As my husband and I grew in our marriage (and I did not nag anymore) I asked him how it made him feel and he told me, it made him not want to come home (OUCH)!

There will be times God will give you (the wife) insight and wisdom into a situation. There may be times our husbands are unable to receive from us; therefore, the key to getting our husbands to listen is to pray, ask for the right timing, and watch your tone. I promise you, doing it God’s way produces ripe fruit that both you and your husband will benefit from.

My Marriage Lesson & Your Marriage Lesson
1. Seek God about becoming a Godly wife
2. Do not nag
3. Prayer, timing, and tone is everything

Scriptures
Proverbs 25:24
Ecclesiastes 3:1

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 6

Hello Friends! It is week six of the Marriage Lessons!  Below is this weeks lesson. If you missed it, please read last week’s lesson titled Your marriage should be first…

Lesson 6. Your marriage should be private (with some exceptions)

Every marriage has problems and your job is to submit those problems to the Lord, not to share them with friends, family, co-workers, or your parents. Sometimes sharing your private matters can be a detrimental mistake. In some instances, after you share certain details about your spouse, the individual may have a different and negative perspective about him.

Keeping your marriage private is a lesson I learned very early in my marriage. Before my husband and I wed, we faced some financial obstacles in preparing for the wedding. I shared some of the details with a few people helping me with my wedding and thought that was as far as the conversation would go. A few weeks later, someone that I never speak with approached me and said, “don’t worry about the financial issues you had, you’re married now.” I was in complete shock! I said to myself NEVER AGAIN. I learned if you cannot trust someone with an insignificant issue, you certainly cannot trust them with an important one.

After some time, I realized there were exceptions. There were times I needed advice and sometimes I needed to vent.  In those instances, I learned to ask God for wisdom about who to talk with. James 1:5 says, “if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” It took a while, but God showed me who I could speak with and who I could trust.

**If you are being threatened or harmed in any way, it is imperative that you seek help immediately. Your life is more important than keeping a secret that threatens your life.

If your situation is critical, and you must speak with someone sooner rather than later, professional counseling is another option. Professional counselors take an oath not to share your information.

As a Christian married couple, it is important to have someone you can confide in. The bible tells us in Galatians 6:2, “carry each other’s burdens and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” As believers, we need each other. God does not desire that we go through every situation alone, but the key is seeking God about who you desire to help you carry your burdens.

My Marriage Lesson and Your Marriage Lesson
1. Keep your marriage private
2. Seek God for wisdom about who to speak with
3. Professional Counseling is okay

Scriptures:
Proverbs 11:14
Proverbs 27:17
Galatians 6:2
James 5:16

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

A Quick Marriage Lesson – Time Reveals

Last night I was watching the new show “We’re the Campbells” featuring Erica Campbell from the gospel group Mary-Mary.  I enjoy this show a lot. It is nice to have a wholesome television show.

In the latest episode, Erica Campbell revealed a childhood secret that she never mentioned to her husband (I will not tell it). Her husband made the point that they have been together for over 20 years and have been married for 17, yet he never knew this detail about her.

My husband and I have not been married as long as the Campbells, but I can say in 15 years of being with him and over twelve years of marriage, we are still learning things about each other and our past.

Praying, talking and having an open and honest relationship with your spouse is essential because over time, as your spouse becomes more and more comfortable with you, they will reveal more about themselves to you.

I encourage you to strive towards learning your spouse so as they open their heart to you they can trust you with the secrets inside it.

#timereveals #secretsrevealed #gettoknowthem #ittakestime #

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 3

Praying always in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints” – Ephesians 6:18

Hello everyone! I hope you are enjoying the Marriage Lessons blog posts. As I write these lessons to you so many memories come flooding back to some very difficult times in my marriage; but I am in awe of how far I have come in my marriage and I am thankful to the Lord. I invite you to read the previous blog posts at your leisure. I promise you will be blessed.

Lesson 3. Praying for your spouse is essential to the overall well-being of your marriage

 Prayer is a powerful weapon. It keeps us connected to God and helps us to stay alert against the devils’ schemes. In marriage, prayer helps you to fortify your spouse especially through times of personal hardship. Ephesians 6:18 tells us to “persevere in prayer and make supplication for all saints” and that includes our husbands.

Regardless of what season of marriage you are in, there will always be issues your spouse will face as an individual. Whether your spouse shares their issues with you or not, praying for your spouse is a blessing. As wives, prayer is ONE of our greatest weapons.

As wives it is easier for us to share our hearts because God made us that way; however, for our husbands it is different. Husbands don’t always reveal what’s going in their hearts and this can be for several reasons. Fear of being vulnerable, fear of being looked upon as weak, or simply being embarrassed, and the list goes on. Setting time aside to pray for your spouse is beneficial to both of you as there will be times God will reveal your spouses’ heart when they don’t reveal it to you personally.

For example, what if the enemy is trying to entice your spouse back to his old lifestyle, (drugs, infidelity, or lying). How do you handle it especially if they don’t share their temptation? I will give you two very personal examples.

About 6 years ago, a young lady who was a new member of our previous church befriended my husband. Thankfully, he had enough wisdom to introduce her to me. When I met her, something in my spirit did not “click”, but I could not figure out what it was. About a month later, God revealed who she really was. I told my husband he needed to leave her alone, and he didn’t agree. He told me he didn’t see anything. So instead of arguing, I went into my arsenal or prayer. I boldly asked God to show my husband who she was. God is AMAZING, because the next morning as my husband came downstairs from waking up, he had a very disturbing look on his face. I asked him “what was wrong?” He said I had a dream about_____ (nope not saying her name) 😊. I said what happened, he said “in the dream, she attempted to touch me inappropriately and I abruptly pushed her hand away.” Then he said, “you were right, I’m sorry.” And that my friend is the power of prayer. God will block things that your spouse cannot or will not see. Our God is powerful and when it comes to marriage, he is on our side.

What if your spouse is dealing with a very difficult boss at work? In the beginning of my marriage, my husband was employed at a horrible place, but at the time he was doing what he needed to for our family and I understood that. He never complained, but I remember times he would come home so defeated, tired, and frustrated. This this went on for months. One day he came home from work and I saw the look of frustration on his face so strong that I prayed immediately. When I was done praying I said, you need to quit your job. He asked if I was sure and I said yes, and when he could tell I had peace about it, the look of relief was on his face. The next day he went to work, and he gave his notice. About a week later he got a better job paying double what he was making. That’s the power of God in praying for your spouse. And the best part is we both reaped the benefits of prayer and obedience.

I encourage you to pray for your spouse as well as declare the word of God over your spouse. The bible says,” the word of God is powerful and quick and sharper than any two-edged sword.”

My Lesson Learned
1. Prayer is powerful
2. Pray for your spouse without ceasing
3. My prayers have the power to change things
4. Trust and watch God for the outcome

Your Lesson
1. Know that your prayers are powerful
2. Your prayers have the power to change things
3.  Praise God for the outcome

Scriptures
Ephesians 6:18
Matthew 18:18–20
Hebrews 4:12

BONUS**
Download a free copy of my e-book titled “7 Days of Praying for Your Husband.” It will help you on your journey.
 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Ready…Set…Goals!

Time is moving so fast! Can you believe we are in the middle of March? I enjoy this season; flowers and trees are beginning to bloom, and daylight savings time is here! Each year I look forward to the changes spring brings.

Since I am writing about the incoming season, I thought I would ask you a question. How are you doing with the goals you set for yourself this year? Are on track? Have you stalled? Are you happy with where you are? Have you given up? Did you create any goals?

I believe this will be a year of great release, but I also believe many of those releases will not manifest if we are not diligently doing our part. No matter where you are in the process, I hope you are moving. Movement is so important. When we move we are making progress regardless of how small the movement is.

One of my goals this year is to lose 50 pounds. I said to myself last year, that no matter what, I was going to get the weight off. I tried many things, but nothing I tried was working, so I decided to join a gym and three weeks ago I did. It has been the best thing. I already lost four pounds in two weeks and I only did the treadmill for 60 minutes four days a week. When I lost those four pounds I felt liberated! I know I looked insane in front of my doctor when I got weighed, but I could not help it. I saw movement and movement gives you the fortitude and faith to keep going. A couple weeks ago, I met with a trainer who gave me wonderful information and I have already incorporated her knowledge and expertise into my workout. I am excited!  

I want to encourage you. If you have fallen off in terms of your goals, get back up and finish! Don’t give up. Keep moving forward. If you got off track, get back on. Write the book, start the business, start the ministry, go after your dream job, lose the weight, strengthen your walk with Christ. Whatever your goals are get started and keep going. You don’t want December to get here and have regrets.

If you haven’t created any goals create one right now! However, as you plan remember Proverbs 16:3, which states, “commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”

Now, please know there will be setbacks. I am not saying this to discourage you, but to let you know that whenever we attempt to do better, there will always be a pull to either stop or hinder you, but please don’t let it. If you have experienced setbacks, get back up and keep fighting.

Map out your goals and write down the steps so you may finish before the year is out! Whether you use a vision board, PowerPoint, or just a plain piece of paper, writing down what you want to do is important as it is a small step towards the final goal.

Remember small steps over time become giant leaps!

Love you all,

Darlene
#healedtospeak