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Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 6

Hello Friends! It is week six of the Marriage Lessons!  Below is this weeks lesson. If you missed it, please read last week’s lesson titled Your marriage should be first…

Lesson 6. Your marriage should be private (with some exceptions)

Every marriage has problems and your job is to submit those problems to the Lord, not to share them with friends, family, co-workers, or your parents. Sometimes sharing your private matters can be a detrimental mistake. In some instances, after you share certain details about your spouse, the individual may have a different and negative perspective about him.

Keeping your marriage private is a lesson I learned very early in my marriage. Before my husband and I wed, we faced some financial obstacles in preparing for the wedding. I shared some of the details with a few people helping me with my wedding and thought that was as far as the conversation would go. A few weeks later, someone that I never speak with approached me and said, “don’t worry about the financial issues you had, you’re married now.” I was in complete shock! I said to myself NEVER AGAIN. I learned if you cannot trust someone with an insignificant issue, you certainly cannot trust them with an important one.

After some time, I realized there were exceptions. There were times I needed advice and sometimes I needed to vent.  In those instances, I learned to ask God for wisdom about who to talk with. James 1:5 says, “if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” It took a while, but God showed me who I could speak with and who I could trust.

**If you are being threatened or harmed in any way, it is imperative that you seek help immediately. Your life is more important than keeping a secret that threatens your life.

If your situation is critical, and you must speak with someone sooner rather than later, professional counseling is another option. Professional counselors take an oath not to share your information.

As a Christian married couple, it is important to have someone you can confide in. The bible tells us in Galatians 6:2, “carry each other’s burdens and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” As believers, we need each other. God does not desire that we go through every situation alone, but the key is seeking God about who you desire to help you carry your burdens.

My Marriage Lesson and Your Marriage Lesson
1. Keep your marriage private
2. Seek God for wisdom about who to speak with
3. Professional Counseling is okay

Scriptures:
Proverbs 11:14
Proverbs 27:17
Galatians 6:2
James 5:16

 

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Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 5

God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it;  –  Genesis 1:27-28

Hello everyone! It is week five of the marriage lesson. I pray you are being encouraged as you read the posts. Below is this week’s lesson.

Lesson 5. Your marriage should be first, not your children

To help keep love in your home and frustration at bay, it is important to establish God’s order for your marriage. That order should be, God, your spouse, and your children. Anytime this order is disrupted, especially for an extended period, your marriage will be affected. I have seen many couples put their children before their marriage and each time I’ve seen it, I see a couple grow further apart. And many times, this happens rather innocently.

I desired a great relationship with my husband. I wanted my children to see what a good relationship looked like because I did not see it growing up. Therefore, I thought this lesson would come easily to me. However, even with the best intentions, there were many bumps in the road in trying to keep my marriage a priority.

In the beginning, we were a newly blended family getting to know each other and juggling our new lives.  To add to the juggling act, we had two more children within two years! Because of our circumstances, we both quickly realized our children took first place. We knew it would be temporary but did not realize how difficult the waiting period would be. And because we did not have the privilege of grandparents, there were no date nights or nights to ourselves for about a year.

Although our children took precedence over our relationship, we still made time to talk to each other. At the end of the night, we talked and shared what we were feeling. Doing that allowed us to continue to feel close even though our children were nearby.

Above anything else, establishing a good marriage is crucial. Not only will it keep you both happy, but you will be demonstrating to your children the power of love and commitment.

If you have children, especially young children, this will more than likely happen in your marriage too. But I want to encourage you to make time to nurture your relationship. Talk, take walks (with the children if necessary), kiss each other. Find small ways to let your husband or wife know they are still a priority even though the children are too. It is only temporary!

My Marriage Lesson
1. Keep God’s order (God – Spouse – Children)
2. Nurture your relationship daily
3. Talk often and share your feelings

Your Lesson
1. Keep God’s order
2. Spend adequate time with your spouse to keep intimacy alive
3. Your current circumstances are only temporary

Scriptures
Genesis 1:27
Genesis 1:28
Genesis 2:20-21

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 4

It is week four of the marriage lessons. I pray you are being encouraged as you read each post. To read the last few lessons, please follow this link. This week’s post is short, sweet, but important!

I apologize for not posting yesterday, (Monday, is my usual day), but my husband and I were taking advantage of Lesson 4!

Lesson 4. Never stop dating (make your spouse first)

It is very easy to become an “old married couple” so you must work hard at not allowing it to happen. When we first meet someone, we love being with them…all the time! We want to spend every moment with them and we are sad when we must leave their presence. However, once we are married and life changes such as children, in-laws, careers, church and everything else, we can put our spouses on the back burner and before you know it, you are not doing the things you once did.

To maintain the closeness in your relationship, it is important to take time out of your schedules and have a date. It does not have to be an expensive trip, but if you can, please do! The point is not the expense, but the time you put into being together. This keeps the romance alive and allows your friendship to grow. Take time to date at least once a week. Rekindle the fire you once had or rather do not allow the fire to go out.

My husband is busy a lot, however, one of the things he enjoys doing is driving, especially long distances. At least once a week we just get in the car and ride. We have our most intimate conversations in the car. Yes, there are times we go to a restaurant or museum or stay the night out in another city, but there is nothing better than those times we spend together just talking.

There is nothing better in your marriage than your spouse giving their most intimate part of themselves to you and that is their heart. Treasure it always.

My Lesson Learned
1. Never stop dating
2. Date like you did when you first met
3. Make your spouse a priority

Your Lesson
1. Never stop dating
2. Plan a quick getaway with your spouse

 

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 2

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12

 Hello everyone!  Hope you enjoyed last week’s marriage lesson. If you did not have an opportunity to read it, don’t miss these valuable nuggets! Today begins week two of the marriage lesson. Enjoy!

 2. God must be at the center of your marriage (no exceptions).

Before embarking on a new endeavor such as starting a business, having a child, or investing it is important to do your research.

Some believe marrying the person God has ordained for them guarantees a smooth marriage, but I can tell you from personal experience, that is incorrect. You can read books, talk to married couples, and attend marriage seminars, all of which are helpful, but you will still encounter issues on your journey.

In our marriage, my husband and I participated in counseling, we read books, and I read plenty of books on my own, but it did not compare to being in the actual marriage. We quickly learned we had to think differently. But knowing it in your head and acting it out are two different things.

For the first five years of our marriage…yes five, my husband and I had many bumps in the road. I did not realize it would be difficult making the adjustment. There were aspects of marriage I looked forward to such as intimacy, cooking, and taking care of my family. But there were aspects that were harder to figure out like how to blend our families, how to make time for each other, how to deal with our exes, and how to balance church activities.

In the beginning, we did everything on our own not realizing we were leaving God out of the triple-braided cord. Sometimes my husband made major decisions without talking to me and the results were disastrous. It also allowed the enemy to get in and attack us as a couple and individually. How in the world could we conquer anything if we were not standing together?

We knew we could not have a successful marriage continuing the way we were. At that point, we put God in the center of our marriage. This meant when decisions needed to be made, we had to pray first, wait for an answer, and move forward together. There were times I did not agree with decisions my husband made, but I learned the agreement was more important than the decision. As a wife, I learned if I didn’t agree, my job was to pray. God ALWAYS came through for me when I relied on him. And this was better than complaining and nagging. When the decision turned out to be right I praised God and my husband, but when it was wrong, I still loved on my husband and God in his grace and mercy, fixed it (in His time). As Christians, we must remember that in our bad decisions, God works everything out for our good.

It is very easy to lose focus and do everything except what you should be doing, therefore, keeping God at the center must be intentional. After twelve years, we are still learning to keep God at the center. One thing about God, he will allow you to go around the same mountain until you pass the test. So it is best to get it right on the first try, but I thank God for his grace on the second…and third try.

My Lesson Learned
1. Seek God together – It doesn’t mean everyday single day, (if you can, great), but make praying together a priority. It will keep your marriage on track
2. Be intentional about your marriage. Sit down and make decisions together, when it doesn’t work out, keeping seeking God, because it will eventually.
3. Do your best to learn the lesson the first time, but God’s grace is sufficient on the second and third tries

Your Lesson
1. Take time this week to seek God together
2. Although making the decision is important, agreement is the goal
3. If you or your spouse do not agree, pray (individually and together if you can)
4. Do your best to learn the lesson the first time 😊

Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you for my spouse. When we must make difficult decisions, help us to rely on you for the answer. More importantly God, help us to walk in agreement, because when we do, you will bless us. I thank you God for the grace and mercy you have bestowed on us. Help us to always keep you in the center of our marriage because doing so will cause us to flourish. And father forgive us when the decisions are not right. I thank you in advance for your grace and mercy that will help us stand together and get through it. In Jesus Name.


Scripture References
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Romans 8:28
Matthew 18:19

Love you all
Darlene
Healed To Speak

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Why I Started My Blog…

I had a childhood full of abuse and pain. As I got older, I dealt with many residual issues because of it. I did not trust people, I did not feel safe physically or emotionally, I got into wrong relationships intimately, socially and spiritually; I looked for love from people instead of receiving love from God, I did not like myself, I did not think I was pretty, I did not believe I was intelligent. When I got close to someone, it was easy for me to throw them away at the slightest notion that they would hurt me. I smiled through so many tears. I was depressed a lot and I felt I could trust NO ONE with my private struggles, secrets, and fears.

For years, I went to church as a completely broken person. Many times, I went to the altar for prayer and comfort, but many times felt nothing. I felt like I could not take one more thing; but ONE DAY, it all changed. One Sunday I remember there was an altar call
(I don’t remember what for). I pretty much ran down the aisle praying to God that he would use someone to help me, and that day He did.

A woman of God came up to me and the first words out of her mouth were, “God loves you.” I remember immediately breaking down and crying uncontrollably. It was the first time I heard those words and it was like God was whispering it to me and me only. And that day began my long journey to healing.

Several years after the Lord delivered me from many of my issues (I still have more 😊), I realized other women were experiencing some of the same pain I did. I learned women were broken and needed to talk, cry, scream and let it out. I learned many women sought healing, but did not know how to get it, where to get it, or how to let God in to receive it. Several women from my job, on the street, from almost anywhere and any age would begin talking to me and sharing their very personal stories. It took me a moment to catch on and realize God was using me as a listening ear. It was easy for me to listen because I knew the pain associated with not being able to talk and the pain of holding in secrets.

I started this blog to let women in pain know I LOVE them and I understand their pain. I know what it is like not to feel love, to go after love and receive hurt, not to trust and then smile through depression and tears while raising a child. I know what it is like to use relationships and material things to fill a void that only God can fill. I know what it is like to run from God out of fear that he will take things away; and I know what it is like to run back to him and then run away from him again.

I started this blog to tell women to drop the misconceptions of who you are supposed to be and just be who God created you to be. I created this blog to let women know you can be healed, but the choice is yours.

I started this blog to let women know that when you are finally healed, you will still be a work in progress…and IT IS OKAY. Just keep your faith and trust in Jesus. As we go through life we learn some things happen instantaneously and other times it is a process. It is the same with the healing journey. It is God’s will that we are healed, but the process is different for each individual. I started this blog to let you know I am here for you; whether it’s talking praying or just simply listening, I am here to help you through your journey as God sees fit for me to help.

Most importantly, I created this blog because God called me to. He decided to use me as a vessel to let you know He wants you to be healed. He has great plans for your life. His plans are so great that you cannot fathom them in your heart. Jesus is the ULTIMATE healer and I would not be healed if it was not for His love, grace, and patience towards me. And I want you to know he will extend the same love, grace, and patience towards you through your journey to healing.

I am grateful for the opportunity.

I truly love you all,
Darlene
#healedtospeak