I will never forget my first or my second

Hello everyone. I hope you had a great weekend! Can you believe it’s December? Twenty-two days until Christmas. It is unbelievable how fast the year went by. Are you looking forward to the new year? I am excited for the opportunity to start over. I am ready to accomplish the natural and spiritual goals I’ve set for myself. I am also looking forward to my 13th wedding anniversary. Lord, thank you.

As a ponder over the past twelve years, I am in awe of God’s grace. My husband and I have experienced extreme highs and unbelievable lows, but we did it and stayed together. My marriage was the first positive relationship in my life. Actually, my husband was my first in many ways.

Let me backtrack a bit. God was my first. He was the first person I learned loved me exactly the way I was. As a child, I never had anyone love me that way. Whenever I made a mistake I trembled with fear of harsh reprimand. When it came to God, I was also fearful because I thought if I messed up, he would turn his back on me. However, the day I came into the realization of God’s love for me, it changed my life. I finally understood there was nothing I could do to get God to stop loving me.

After walking with God for several years, I was very secure in his love for me, but I struggled with believing he could send me someone who could love me just the same. I never expressed those feelings to God, but I am so glad he knows the secrets and desires of our hearts.

Psalms 139: 1-2 “Lord, you have examined me and know all about me. You know when I sit down and when I get up. You know my thoughts before I think them.”

Years later, God answered my heart’s desire and sent me a physical example of unconditional love when he brought my husband into my life. I had been healed from so much pain, but there was still some unresolved trauma I was not aware of. It was not until after I married, that those issues resurfaced.  My husband loved me through it all.

The Lord was my first spiritual example of true love and my husband was my spiritual and physical example! Through all of my ups and downs, my husband loved me as Christ loved the church…unconditionally. Sure, we had other issues that had nothing to do with my trauma, but we learned to work through all of it, allowing God to be the third cord in our marriage.

Ecclesiastes 4:12A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” (NLT).

The relationship with my husband taught me how to persevere, sacrifice, and endure; especially when things did not go my way. When you think about it, it is similar to the relationship we have with the Father. We endure trials, tests and hardship, but at the end of it all, we win.

James 2:12 – “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him” (ESV).

God was my first. He loved me, healed me and set me free. My husband was my second. The person God sent to aid in my remaining healing process.

Before dating and most certainly before we wed, it is important we are healed from past issues, otherwise, we will bring those issues into your relationship as I did. However, God is so merciful and full of wisdom that He knew who to send to aid in my healing process. That is His unconditional love. My FIRST love, before I knew that HE was.

God bless you.

 

Photo by Asaf R on Unsplash

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deliverance at the Root

For healing and deliverance to occur, it must be plucked up from the root. However, I have learned that most people do not realize there is a root at all.

Many months ago, I watched a documentary about our U.S. prison system. It was one of the most heartbreaking documentaries I EVER saw. My heart broke as I watched it. All I could do was cry and pray.  What made it worse was the documentary was about women prisoners.

One female prisoner touched my heart. She said she began committing crimes at age seven. She spent most of her life in prison. She said while in prison she felt “safe and respected.” I thought, “What happened in her childhood that caused her to act this way?” Then the same question I thought about her, I asked myself. And it brought me back to my childhood.

Growing up, I could not trust women (and I am still apprehensive sometimes). For me, it was difficult to get close to women. After many years of feeling this way, I decided it was time to open myself up. Unfortunately, I felt hurt and betrayed when women that I admired turned out to be the opposite of what they portrayed.

Truth is, these feelings came from the experiences I had with my mother. As much as I wanted a relationship with her, it could not happen. She could not be what I needed her to be. Instead of seeking God about my pain, I unknowingly put that burden on other women. I expected them to be what I needed instead of seeking God. After this issue continued to resurface, I realized I had to deal with the root. I asked God to help me and he did, but the process was slow because the roots were deep. This was one of many areas I needed healing.

The difference between myself and the women in the documentary is I had an opportunity to deal with my roots.  Most of the women have not come to terms with their own root issues and some never will. Although the women are serving time in prison for the crime they committed outwardly, they are serving another sentence for their inward bondage. What hurt most was their greatest need is healing, yet there is a possibility that healing will never come…so I pray.

My question to you is…Have you gotten to the root of your issue? Do you know why you do what you do? Is there something from your past that you are still holding onto? Are you holding onto something God told you to release, yet you will not let it go? Are you holding onto unforgiveness? Past pain? Mistakes? Issues with your parent(s)? Do you repeat negative behaviors?

Contrary to what the world believes or what we think, the only way to deal with negative roots in our lives is through prayer and the Word of God. The Word of God is what penetrates the heart and the heart and soul is where all of our issues lie. Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.

Today I encourage and challenge you to expose the negative roots in your life to the Lord. He is the only person that can go deep enough to extract it out.

Prayer,
Father, I ask that you show me the areas of my heart and soul that are not rooted in deep pain. Help me to be healed and set free which is your will for me. Forgive me for the times you showed me those areas, but I refused to let you in those places of my heart. God, I repent, and I give you full access to my heart, mind, and emotions. You are a good God who has great plans for my life. Thank you for another chance to submit my life to you. In Jesus name I pray…Amen.

Blessings.

Scriptures
Hebrews 4:12
Jeremiah 29:11
Exodus 15:26

 

Self-Care / Self-love

Some days all you need is good food, a good television series and peace and quiet. Today was one of those days for me. After a busy couple of months, today I decided it was about me. I skipped the gym, slept late then woke up and had fried fish for breakfast. I sat on my couch binge watched a Netflix series and loved every moment of it. Ladies and gentlemen take time for self-care, it can produce healing. Love you all. Have a great weekend!

Darlene@healedtospeak

Self-care

Why I Started My Blog…

I had a childhood full of abuse and pain. As I got older, I dealt with many residual issues because of it. I did not trust people, I did not feel safe physically or emotionally, I got into wrong relationships intimately, socially and spiritually; I looked for love from people instead of receiving love from God, I did not like myself, I did not think I was pretty, I did not believe I was intelligent. When I got close to someone, it was easy for me to throw them away at the slightest notion that they would hurt me. I smiled through so many tears. I was depressed a lot and I felt I could trust NO ONE with my private struggles, secrets, and fears.

For years, I went to church as a completely broken person. Many times, I went to the altar for prayer and comfort, but many times felt nothing. I felt like I could not take one more thing; but ONE DAY, it all changed. One Sunday I remember there was an altar call
(I don’t remember what for). I pretty much ran down the aisle praying to God that he would use someone to help me, and that day He did.

A woman of God came up to me and the first words out of her mouth were, “God loves you.” I remember immediately breaking down and crying uncontrollably. It was the first time I heard those words and it was like God was whispering it to me and me only. And that day began my long journey to healing.

Several years after the Lord delivered me from many of my issues (I still have more 😊), I realized other women were experiencing some of the same pain I did. I learned women were broken and needed to talk, cry, scream and let it out. I learned many women sought healing, but did not know how to get it, where to get it, or how to let God in to receive it. Several women from my job, on the street, from almost anywhere and any age would begin talking to me and sharing their very personal stories. It took me a moment to catch on and realize God was using me as a listening ear. It was easy for me to listen because I knew the pain associated with not being able to talk and the pain of holding in secrets.

I started this blog to let women in pain know I LOVE them and I understand their pain. I know what it is like not to feel love, to go after love and receive hurt, not to trust and then smile through depression and tears while raising a child. I know what it is like to use relationships and material things to fill a void that only God can fill. I know what it is like to run from God out of fear that he will take things away; and I know what it is like to run back to him and then run away from him again.

I started this blog to tell women to drop the misconceptions of who you are supposed to be and just be who God created you to be. I created this blog to let women know you can be healed, but the choice is yours.

I started this blog to let women know that when you are finally healed, you will still be a work in progress…and IT IS OKAY. Just keep your faith and trust in Jesus. As we go through life we learn some things happen instantaneously and other times it is a process. It is the same with the healing journey. It is God’s will that we are healed, but the process is different for each individual. I started this blog to let you know I am here for you; whether it’s talking praying or just simply listening, I am here to help you through your journey as God sees fit for me to help.

Most importantly, I created this blog because God called me to. He decided to use me as a vessel to let you know He wants you to be healed. He has great plans for your life. His plans are so great that you cannot fathom them in your heart. Jesus is the ULTIMATE healer and I would not be healed if it was not for His love, grace, and patience towards me. And I want you to know he will extend the same love, grace, and patience towards you through your journey to healing.

I am grateful for the opportunity.

I truly love you all,
Darlene
#healedtospeak