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Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 8

Hello friends! Welcome to week eight of the Marriage Lessons! I am so grateful for what the Lord has allowed me to share with you. I pray you are being encouraged and uplifted. In your spare time, I encourage you to read last weeks lesson titled “do not compare.” God bless you!

Lesson 8. Do not be a nagging wife…men HATE it.

Was I a nag? Oh no, not me. I am a Godly wife and I would never nag my husband. Those were all the things I thought of myself until God showed me myself.

I NEVER thought of myself as a nag. I just wanted him to see things my way. I began to make the same statements repeatedly, but it seemed he still was not getting it. I thought, “what else do I have to do?” Well, I decided I would continue to repeat myself and eventually he will get it…wrong.

I knew a lot of what I was saying was right. In fact, many of the things I tried to share with my husband came straight from the throne of heaven, but for some reason, my husband could not see or hear it. Perhaps it is was because of my tone.

After realizing my way was not working, I decided to wise up. I desired to be a Godly wife, a Proverbs 31 wife. So, I learned how to pray. The Lord showed me timing was key to approaching my husband. I learned that setting the tone, creating the atmosphere and having the right heart when approaching your husband is key to achieving the response you desire. Later, I understood God observes our heart and the motives behind it.

Being a nag will cause your husband to do the opposite of what you want him to do. In fact, nagging will cause your husband not to want to be around. Proverbs 25:24 says, “it is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” YIKES! Believe me, it is true. At the beginning of my marriage, I nagged a lot and it proved to cause problems and not solve them. As my husband and I grew in our marriage (and I did not nag anymore) I asked him how it made him feel and he told me, it made him not want to come home (OUCH)!

There will be times God will give you (the wife) insight and wisdom into a situation. There may be times our husbands are unable to receive from us; therefore, the key to getting our husbands to listen is to pray, ask for the right timing, and watch your tone. I promise you, doing it God’s way produces ripe fruit that both you and your husband will benefit from.

My Marriage Lesson & Your Marriage Lesson
1. Seek God about becoming a Godly wife
2. Do not nag
3. Prayer, timing, and tone is everything

Scriptures
Proverbs 25:24
Ecclesiastes 3:1

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 7

Hello Family! I am enjoying this time with you. I pray you are being blessed and gaining insight into your marriage with the lessons being shared. Today is week seven of the Marriage Lessons. Last weeks lesson covered “privacy in your marriage.” I hope you will read it. 

Lesson 7. Do not compare your mate or your marriage to someone else

At one time or another have you ever compared yourself to someone else? Perhaps in terms of your appearance, status, or personality. What did you gain from it? Did you feel better about yourself? Probably not. I am sure what you learned is comparing yourself to someone else is harmful and does not add to your life in any way.

Thus, if comparing yourself to an individual is detrimental, imagine comparing your marital relationship to someone else’s. Truth is we never know what is going on in someone’s relationship. As I have stated in past lessons, ALL marriages have problems, but oftentimes we look on the outside and assume all is well. Sometimes we compare ourselves and feel we should be doing better in some way. Other times, we go so far as to want what they appear to have which is worse than comparing, it is coveting.

The famous saying, “the grass always looks greener,” is true regarding the appearance of the grass. However, underneath the greenery, you may find rotted soil. Truth is, it is deception!

After many years of going through a trial in my marriage, I got tired. Sure, I was praying and asking God when things would change, but I was still weary. I allowed myself to focus so much on what was happening that I began to compare my marriage to the “happy looking” couples. I would think, why aren’t they going through anything? Foolish right? Much later, after God delivered us, I looked back and saw how foolish I was, and you know what, the couple that I looked too divorced!

Galatians 6:4-5 states “each of you must examine your own actions. Then you can be proud of your own accomplishments without comparing yourself to others.  Assume your own responsibility.”

The truth is the only person we should be comparing our marriage to our bridegroom Jesus Christ! In our marriage, we should follow God by caring for our spouse as he does for us. Christ loves us, forgives us, covers us, and guides us. If you are following the example of Christ, there is no need to compare. God’s way is the only perfect example to follow.

Unless you live with another couple, you do not know what goes on in their home. Therefore, focus on improving the areas in your marriage and do what works for your spouse not what appears to work in another relationship. Remember, the view you see in others is very limited.

My Marriage Lesson & Your Marriage Lesson
1. Don’t be deceived
2. Follow Christ’ example for your marriage
3. Appreciate the gifts and qualities in your spouse
3. Celebrate the positive areas in your marriage
5. Instead of comparing, work on those areas of weakness in your marriage together

Scriptures
Exodus 20:17
Galatians 6:4-5

 

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Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 3

Praying always in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints” – Ephesians 6:18

Hello everyone! I hope you are enjoying the Marriage Lessons blog posts. As I write these lessons to you so many memories come flooding back to some very difficult times in my marriage; but I am in awe of how far I have come in my marriage and I am thankful to the Lord. I invite you to read the previous blog posts at your leisure. I promise you will be blessed.

Lesson 3. Praying for your spouse is essential to the overall well-being of your marriage

 Prayer is a powerful weapon. It keeps us connected to God and helps us to stay alert against the devils’ schemes. In marriage, prayer helps you to fortify your spouse especially through times of personal hardship. Ephesians 6:18 tells us to “persevere in prayer and make supplication for all saints” and that includes our husbands.

Regardless of what season of marriage you are in, there will always be issues your spouse will face as an individual. Whether your spouse shares their issues with you or not, praying for your spouse is a blessing. As wives, prayer is ONE of our greatest weapons.

As wives it is easier for us to share our hearts because God made us that way; however, for our husbands it is different. Husbands don’t always reveal what’s going in their hearts and this can be for several reasons. Fear of being vulnerable, fear of being looked upon as weak, or simply being embarrassed, and the list goes on. Setting time aside to pray for your spouse is beneficial to both of you as there will be times God will reveal your spouses’ heart when they don’t reveal it to you personally.

For example, what if the enemy is trying to entice your spouse back to his old lifestyle, (drugs, infidelity, or lying). How do you handle it especially if they don’t share their temptation? I will give you two very personal examples.

About 6 years ago, a young lady who was a new member of our previous church befriended my husband. Thankfully, he had enough wisdom to introduce her to me. When I met her, something in my spirit did not “click”, but I could not figure out what it was. About a month later, God revealed who she really was. I told my husband he needed to leave her alone, and he didn’t agree. He told me he didn’t see anything. So instead of arguing, I went into my arsenal or prayer. I boldly asked God to show my husband who she was. God is AMAZING, because the next morning as my husband came downstairs from waking up, he had a very disturbing look on his face. I asked him “what was wrong?” He said I had a dream about_____ (nope not saying her name) 😊. I said what happened, he said “in the dream, she attempted to touch me inappropriately and I abruptly pushed her hand away.” Then he said, “you were right, I’m sorry.” And that my friend is the power of prayer. God will block things that your spouse cannot or will not see. Our God is powerful and when it comes to marriage, he is on our side.

What if your spouse is dealing with a very difficult boss at work? In the beginning of my marriage, my husband was employed at a horrible place, but at the time he was doing what he needed to for our family and I understood that. He never complained, but I remember times he would come home so defeated, tired, and frustrated. This this went on for months. One day he came home from work and I saw the look of frustration on his face so strong that I prayed immediately. When I was done praying I said, you need to quit your job. He asked if I was sure and I said yes, and when he could tell I had peace about it, the look of relief was on his face. The next day he went to work, and he gave his notice. About a week later he got a better job paying double what he was making. That’s the power of God in praying for your spouse. And the best part is we both reaped the benefits of prayer and obedience.

I encourage you to pray for your spouse as well as declare the word of God over your spouse. The bible says,” the word of God is powerful and quick and sharper than any two-edged sword.”

My Lesson Learned
1. Prayer is powerful
2. Pray for your spouse without ceasing
3. My prayers have the power to change things
4. Trust and watch God for the outcome

Your Lesson
1. Know that your prayers are powerful
2. Your prayers have the power to change things
3.  Praise God for the outcome

Scriptures
Ephesians 6:18
Matthew 18:18–20
Hebrews 4:12

BONUS**
Download a free copy of my e-book titled “7 Days of Praying for Your Husband.” It will help you on your journey.
 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 2

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12

 Hello everyone!  Hope you enjoyed last week’s marriage lesson. If you did not have an opportunity to read it, don’t miss these valuable nuggets! Today begins week two of the marriage lesson. Enjoy!

 2. God must be at the center of your marriage (no exceptions).

Before embarking on a new endeavor such as starting a business, having a child, or investing it is important to do your research.

Some believe marrying the person God has ordained for them guarantees a smooth marriage, but I can tell you from personal experience, that is incorrect. You can read books, talk to married couples, and attend marriage seminars, all of which are helpful, but you will still encounter issues on your journey.

In our marriage, my husband and I participated in counseling, we read books, and I read plenty of books on my own, but it did not compare to being in the actual marriage. We quickly learned we had to think differently. But knowing it in your head and acting it out are two different things.

For the first five years of our marriage…yes five, my husband and I had many bumps in the road. I did not realize it would be difficult making the adjustment. There were aspects of marriage I looked forward to such as intimacy, cooking, and taking care of my family. But there were aspects that were harder to figure out like how to blend our families, how to make time for each other, how to deal with our exes, and how to balance church activities.

In the beginning, we did everything on our own not realizing we were leaving God out of the triple-braided cord. Sometimes my husband made major decisions without talking to me and the results were disastrous. It also allowed the enemy to get in and attack us as a couple and individually. How in the world could we conquer anything if we were not standing together?

We knew we could not have a successful marriage continuing the way we were. At that point, we put God in the center of our marriage. This meant when decisions needed to be made, we had to pray first, wait for an answer, and move forward together. There were times I did not agree with decisions my husband made, but I learned the agreement was more important than the decision. As a wife, I learned if I didn’t agree, my job was to pray. God ALWAYS came through for me when I relied on him. And this was better than complaining and nagging. When the decision turned out to be right I praised God and my husband, but when it was wrong, I still loved on my husband and God in his grace and mercy, fixed it (in His time). As Christians, we must remember that in our bad decisions, God works everything out for our good.

It is very easy to lose focus and do everything except what you should be doing, therefore, keeping God at the center must be intentional. After twelve years, we are still learning to keep God at the center. One thing about God, he will allow you to go around the same mountain until you pass the test. So it is best to get it right on the first try, but I thank God for his grace on the second…and third try.

My Lesson Learned
1. Seek God together – It doesn’t mean everyday single day, (if you can, great), but make praying together a priority. It will keep your marriage on track
2. Be intentional about your marriage. Sit down and make decisions together, when it doesn’t work out, keeping seeking God, because it will eventually.
3. Do your best to learn the lesson the first time, but God’s grace is sufficient on the second and third tries

Your Lesson
1. Take time this week to seek God together
2. Although making the decision is important, agreement is the goal
3. If you or your spouse do not agree, pray (individually and together if you can)
4. Do your best to learn the lesson the first time 😊

Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you for my spouse. When we must make difficult decisions, help us to rely on you for the answer. More importantly God, help us to walk in agreement, because when we do, you will bless us. I thank you God for the grace and mercy you have bestowed on us. Help us to always keep you in the center of our marriage because doing so will cause us to flourish. And father forgive us when the decisions are not right. I thank you in advance for your grace and mercy that will help us stand together and get through it. In Jesus Name.


Scripture References
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Romans 8:28
Matthew 18:19

Love you all
Darlene
Healed To Speak

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Are you on the run?

I Samuel 15:22 – “Tell me,” Samuel said. “Does the LORD really want sacrifices and offerings? No! He doesn’t want your sacrifices. He wants you to obey him.

Why do we run from God? Are we afraid? Do we think we know what’s best? Do we believe there is nothing he can really do for us? Have we allowed negative life circumstances to pull us away? Has the success of this life caused us to slowly run away? No matter what the reason, we must be sure that as believers we keep our focus which means keeping our eyes on Christ. It also means being obedient to what he tells us to do.

In last week’s post, I briefly mentioned my process to healing. In the beginning, I ran to God. I was excited and could not wait to go on the journey, however, when God began telling me things I needed to change and the people I needed to let go, I was scared; so instead of being obedient and moving toward God, I pulled away.
One of the things that caused me to run was a relationship. I was with someone I knew I no longer needed to be with, but the relationship gave me a sense of security (though it was false) and I stayed. One Sunday while in church my pastor at the time was teaching on getting rid of wrong people in your life. I knew God was speaking through him regarding my personal life and at that moment, I decided when I got home that day, I would tell this person our relationship was over.
I had such joy in my heart I almost skipped home. When I got to my apartment, I walked in and immediately shared what was on my heart. He was upset and said many things. He said so much that I began questioning God and decided to stay with the person. BUT, deep down in my soul, I KNEW nothing positive could become of it.
For the next month or so I was miserable. I no longer wanted to be with him and each day the feeling got worse. On top of that, each week when I went to church, I was reminded of my disobedience by not ending the relationship when God told me to. About two months later, I had enough and told him it was over, and I meant it (and he knew it). It was the best feeling because I was free. When he left, I repented to God for my disobedience and I began moving forward.
But, for not listening when I should have, I endured unnecessary fear and turmoil and it was my fault.
No matter what God is telling you, listen and move; no exceptions. I certainly understand the decision will be difficult, but if you do not listen to the instruction the consequences will be worse.
God ALWAYS has a better plan. God told me to let go because he wanted me healed and free. Funny thing is I asked God to help me heal and get free, but when he presented the plan, I didn’t obey and I ran. Funny how when we pray we don’t expect the answer to the prayer to be difficult. God is funny that way…
God always knows what’s best for our lives and he expects us to trust him. Even when we don’t trust Him his grace is there, but there WILL be consequences that may take us years to recover from.
Remember…obedience is better than sacrifice.
Blessings.
Darlene
#healedtospeak