Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 6

Hello Friends! It is week six of the Marriage Lessons!  Below is this weeks lesson. If you missed it, please read last week’s lesson titled Your marriage should be first…

Lesson 6. Your marriage should be private (with some exceptions)

Every marriage has problems and your job is to submit those problems to the Lord, not to share them with friends, family, co-workers, or your parents. Sometimes sharing your private matters can be a detrimental mistake. In some instances, after you share certain details about your spouse, the individual may have a different and negative perspective about him.

Keeping your marriage private is a lesson I learned very early in my marriage. Before my husband and I wed, we faced some financial obstacles in preparing for the wedding. I shared some of the details with a few people helping me with my wedding and thought that was as far as the conversation would go. A few weeks later, someone that I never speak with approached me and said, “don’t worry about the financial issues you had, you’re married now.” I was in complete shock! I said to myself NEVER AGAIN. I learned if you cannot trust someone with an insignificant issue, you certainly cannot trust them with an important one.

After some time, I realized there were exceptions. There were times I needed advice and sometimes I needed to vent.  In those instances, I learned to ask God for wisdom about who to talk with. James 1:5 says, “if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” It took a while, but God showed me who I could speak with and who I could trust.

**If you are being threatened or harmed in any way, it is imperative that you seek help immediately. Your life is more important than keeping a secret that threatens your life.

If your situation is critical, and you must speak with someone sooner rather than later, professional counseling is another option. Professional counselors take an oath not to share your information.

As a Christian married couple, it is important to have someone you can confide in. The bible tells us in Galatians 6:2, “carry each other’s burdens and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” As believers, we need each other. God does not desire that we go through every situation alone, but the key is seeking God about who you desire to help you carry your burdens.

My Marriage Lesson and Your Marriage Lesson
1. Keep your marriage private
2. Seek God for wisdom about who to speak with
3. Professional Counseling is okay

Scriptures:
Proverbs 11:14
Proverbs 27:17
Galatians 6:2
James 5:16

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak · 1 Comment

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 5

God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it;  –  Genesis 1:27-28

Hello everyone! It is week five of the marriage lesson. I pray you are being encouraged as you read the posts. Below is this week’s lesson.

Lesson 5. Your marriage should be first, not your children

To help keep love in your home and frustration at bay, it is important to establish God’s order for your marriage. That order should be, God, your spouse, and your children. Anytime this order is disrupted, especially for an extended period, your marriage will be affected. I have seen many couples put their children before their marriage and each time I’ve seen it, I see a couple grow further apart. And many times, this happens rather innocently.

I desired a great relationship with my husband. I wanted my children to see what a good relationship looked like because I did not see it growing up. Therefore, I thought this lesson would come easily to me. However, even with the best intentions, there were many bumps in the road in trying to keep my marriage a priority.

In the beginning, we were a newly blended family getting to know each other and juggling our new lives.  To add to the juggling act, we had two more children within two years! Because of our circumstances, we both quickly realized our children took first place. We knew it would be temporary but did not realize how difficult the waiting period would be. And because we did not have the privilege of grandparents, there were no date nights or nights to ourselves for about a year.

Although our children took precedence over our relationship, we still made time to talk to each other. At the end of the night, we talked and shared what we were feeling. Doing that allowed us to continue to feel close even though our children were nearby.

Above anything else, establishing a good marriage is crucial. Not only will it keep you both happy, but you will be demonstrating to your children the power of love and commitment.

If you have children, especially young children, this will more than likely happen in your marriage too. But I want to encourage you to make time to nurture your relationship. Talk, take walks (with the children if necessary), kiss each other. Find small ways to let your husband or wife know they are still a priority even though the children are too. It is only temporary!

My Marriage Lesson
1. Keep God’s order (God – Spouse – Children)
2. Nurture your relationship daily
3. Talk often and share your feelings

Your Lesson
1. Keep God’s order
2. Spend adequate time with your spouse to keep intimacy alive
3. Your current circumstances are only temporary

Scriptures
Genesis 1:27
Genesis 1:28
Genesis 2:20-21

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 3

Praying always in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints” – Ephesians 6:18

Hello everyone! I hope you are enjoying the Marriage Lessons blog posts. As I write these lessons to you so many memories come flooding back to some very difficult times in my marriage; but I am in awe of how far I have come in my marriage and I am thankful to the Lord. I invite you to read the previous blog posts at your leisure. I promise you will be blessed.

Lesson 3. Praying for your spouse is essential to the overall well-being of your marriage

 Prayer is a powerful weapon. It keeps us connected to God and helps us to stay alert against the devils’ schemes. In marriage, prayer helps you to fortify your spouse especially through times of personal hardship. Ephesians 6:18 tells us to “persevere in prayer and make supplication for all saints” and that includes our husbands.

Regardless of what season of marriage you are in, there will always be issues your spouse will face as an individual. Whether your spouse shares their issues with you or not, praying for your spouse is a blessing. As wives, prayer is ONE of our greatest weapons.

As wives it is easier for us to share our hearts because God made us that way; however, for our husbands it is different. Husbands don’t always reveal what’s going in their hearts and this can be for several reasons. Fear of being vulnerable, fear of being looked upon as weak, or simply being embarrassed, and the list goes on. Setting time aside to pray for your spouse is beneficial to both of you as there will be times God will reveal your spouses’ heart when they don’t reveal it to you personally.

For example, what if the enemy is trying to entice your spouse back to his old lifestyle, (drugs, infidelity, or lying). How do you handle it especially if they don’t share their temptation? I will give you two very personal examples.

About 6 years ago, a young lady who was a new member of our previous church befriended my husband. Thankfully, he had enough wisdom to introduce her to me. When I met her, something in my spirit did not “click”, but I could not figure out what it was. About a month later, God revealed who she really was. I told my husband he needed to leave her alone, and he didn’t agree. He told me he didn’t see anything. So instead of arguing, I went into my arsenal or prayer. I boldly asked God to show my husband who she was. God is AMAZING, because the next morning as my husband came downstairs from waking up, he had a very disturbing look on his face. I asked him “what was wrong?” He said I had a dream about_____ (nope not saying her name) 😊. I said what happened, he said “in the dream, she attempted to touch me inappropriately and I abruptly pushed her hand away.” Then he said, “you were right, I’m sorry.” And that my friend is the power of prayer. God will block things that your spouse cannot or will not see. Our God is powerful and when it comes to marriage, he is on our side.

What if your spouse is dealing with a very difficult boss at work? In the beginning of my marriage, my husband was employed at a horrible place, but at the time he was doing what he needed to for our family and I understood that. He never complained, but I remember times he would come home so defeated, tired, and frustrated. This this went on for months. One day he came home from work and I saw the look of frustration on his face so strong that I prayed immediately. When I was done praying I said, you need to quit your job. He asked if I was sure and I said yes, and when he could tell I had peace about it, the look of relief was on his face. The next day he went to work, and he gave his notice. About a week later he got a better job paying double what he was making. That’s the power of God in praying for your spouse. And the best part is we both reaped the benefits of prayer and obedience.

I encourage you to pray for your spouse as well as declare the word of God over your spouse. The bible says,” the word of God is powerful and quick and sharper than any two-edged sword.”

My Lesson Learned
1. Prayer is powerful
2. Pray for your spouse without ceasing
3. My prayers have the power to change things
4. Trust and watch God for the outcome

Your Lesson
1. Know that your prayers are powerful
2. Your prayers have the power to change things
3.  Praise God for the outcome

Scriptures
Ephesians 6:18
Matthew 18:18–20
Hebrews 4:12

BONUS**
Download a free copy of my e-book titled “7 Days of Praying for Your Husband.” It will help you on your journey.
 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 1

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. – Ephesians 4:2-3

Marriage is wonderful! I can honestly say for the last twelve and a half years, I have been happily married…mostly 😊. In those twelve years, I have learned a lot about marriage through some advice, but mostly trial and error. Over the next twelve weeks, I will share with you twelve of the many lessons I have learned so far. I hope what I have learned will help you avoid some of the pitfalls I fell into.

Lesson #1-         Talking and communicating are not the same thing

I got married on Saturday and we had our first quarrel on Monday. Yup…Monday.
We started out talking and laughing and it was nice. As I continued to talk, it seemed my husband was no longer interested in what I had to say. It appeared as if he was spaced out or rather his head was in another place. I immediately got upset. I thought, we just got married and you are not interested in having an important conversation with me? I felt hurt and rejected. Instead of explaining how I felt, I let my hurt do the talking. I got up, threw a pair of pants at my husband, and walked out of the house. My husband had a look of bewilderment on his face. He couldn’t believe I could get so angry, and neither could I.

In a moment, we went from a friendly conversation to an angry exchange. Not long after our exchange, I went back home. When I got there, I sat down and shared how I felt. I told him I was hurt because it seemed he was no longer interested in talking. Right after I said that he apologized and said he started to experience severe back pain which is why it appeared he wasn’t interested.

Truth is both of us were guilty of not communicating our feelings to each other. We quickly learned we had to work on our communication skills and I had to work on my deep seeded issues with rejection (that I thought was over). We forgave each other and had a great rest of the night.

My Lesson Learned
1. Talking and communicating are not the same.
2. To communicate effectively, you must know your mate, and this takes time. Be patient      and gentle during the learning process.
3. Do not walk away angry but deal with the real issue at hand.

Your Lesson
1. Do not assume your spouse can read your thoughts. Say what you are feeling.
2. Use wisdom regarding when to share your feelings because timing is everything.
3. Pray, wait, then talk. Communication is something to work on each day.

Prayer
Father…In the name of Jesus. Thank you for my spouse. Help us to speak the truth to each other in love always. Lord, when I am angry, help me not to sin. Cause me to have self-control over my actions, attitude, and tongue. Help me to use a soft word as it turns away wrath. I thank you for our commitment to stand together in you. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Scripture References:
Ephesians 4:15
Proverbs 25:28
Ephesians 4:26

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Sometimes, it is about YOU!

_revised_self care

As women, we do it all! We work full-time, raise our children (sometimes alone), take care of our husbands, go to school, run businesses, listen to others in their time of need, volunteer at church and other organizations and the list goes on. We should be proud of the things we do as well as our accomplishments. But how many of us can say we make sure to take time for ourselves as women?

How many of us practice the task of self-care? How many of us look like a boss on the outside, but are falling apart on the inside? And what happens when it all comes crashing down? Ladies I want to encourage you to strive for the practice of self-care. That means taking time just to take care of you and no one but you. If that means sending the children away, do it. If it means calling out of work, by all means, call out and if it means taking a Sunday (YES Sunday) to focus on you, please feel free. We must always remember we cannot be good to anyone else if we are not good to ourselves.

When I got married, I went in like gangbusters. I was ready to be a wife and I could not wait to take care of my family. For the first five years of my marriage, I did it all, and I do mean ALL. I had a very well-run home and my family was grateful for my presence and what I did for them; however, inwardly, I was falling apart. One of my FAVORITE things to do was (still is) to get a manicure and pedicure. In the beginning, I took time to do this at least bi-weekly or monthly, but over time, I stopped. For some strange reason, after I wed, I felt like it was no longer allowed because I needed to take care of everyone else. So, when I did take time for myself I felt guilty because I believed I did not deserve it. My husband would tell me to go and get my nails done, but I would make an excuse not to go.

Unfortunately, this was a mental limitation I placed on myself and I did not realize it until one day I had a major meltdown and my family (all boys) looked at me as if I lost my mind. After venting, I realized I forgot about myself.

As wives, we have a responsibility to our families, but we also have a responsibility to ourselves. God desires that his children have an abundant life and that includes our overall well-being.

As we continue to care for those around us, let us remember to care for the one person we cannot live without and that’s YOU.

Love you all,
Darlene
#healedtospeak

For tips, download Tips for self-care PDF.