Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

Marriage Lessons (12-week series)-Week 1

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. – Ephesians 4:2-3

Marriage is wonderful! I can honestly say for the last twelve and a half years, I have been happily married…mostly 😊. In those twelve years, I have learned a lot about marriage through some advice, but mostly trial and error. Over the next twelve weeks, I will share with you twelve of the many lessons I have learned so far. I hope what I have learned will help you avoid some of the pitfalls I fell into.

Lesson #1-         Talking and communicating are not the same thing

I got married on Saturday and we had our first quarrel on Monday. Yup…Monday.
We started out talking and laughing and it was nice. As I continued to talk, it seemed my husband was no longer interested in what I had to say. It appeared as if he was spaced out or rather his head was in another place. I immediately got upset. I thought, we just got married and you are not interested in having an important conversation with me? I felt hurt and rejected. Instead of explaining how I felt, I let my hurt do the talking. I got up, threw a pair of pants at my husband, and walked out of the house. My husband had a look of bewilderment on his face. He couldn’t believe I could get so angry, and neither could I.

In a moment, we went from a friendly conversation to an angry exchange. Not long after our exchange, I went back home. When I got there, I sat down and shared how I felt. I told him I was hurt because it seemed he was no longer interested in talking. Right after I said that he apologized and said he started to experience severe back pain which is why it appeared he wasn’t interested.

Truth is both of us were guilty of not communicating our feelings to each other. We quickly learned we had to work on our communication skills and I had to work on my deep seeded issues with rejection (that I thought was over). We forgave each other and had a great rest of the night.

My Lesson Learned
1. Talking and communicating are not the same.
2. To communicate effectively, you must know your mate, and this takes time. Be patient      and gentle during the learning process.
3. Do not walk away angry but deal with the real issue at hand.

Your Lesson
1. Do not assume your spouse can read your thoughts. Say what you are feeling.
2. Use wisdom regarding when to share your feelings because timing is everything.
3. Pray, wait, then talk. Communication is something to work on each day.

Prayer
Father…In the name of Jesus. Thank you for my spouse. Help us to speak the truth to each other in love always. Lord, when I am angry, help me not to sin. Cause me to have self-control over my actions, attitude, and tongue. Help me to use a soft word as it turns away wrath. I thank you for our commitment to stand together in you. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Scripture References:
Ephesians 4:15
Proverbs 25:28
Ephesians 4:26

 

Posted on by darleneishealedtospeak

So Emotional…

Proverbs 25:28 “a person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls” (NLT).

We must identify why we feel what we feel and get to the root of it. As women, we have many emotions and I believe God has designed us that way. Our emotions make us unique and we should embrace them; however, we must be cognizant of not allowing our emotions to control us.

On December 12th as I was cleaning and organizing files in preparation for the New Year, I came across my mother’s death certificate. As soon as I saw it, I began to ball my eyes out. I did not expect such raw emotions to emerge and I was actually surprised. When I was done, I prayed and asked God to continue to heal my heart. Although I finished crying, I was experiencing a heavy weight of sadness for the rest of the day.

Later in the day, the Lord blessed my heart regarding another matter and I wanted to share it with my husband. When he came home, he asked “babe, what happened today” and I proceeded to share it with him. As I was speaking, I noticed he seemed “out of it” or rather disinterested. It upset me, so I stood up abruptly and walked angrily to my bedroom. As soon as I laid down on the bed the Holy Spirit said, “there is no reason to be upset with him” and I immediately knew why. Truth is, he was not disinterested, but tired and I could tell from the moment he walked in the door, but I proceeded to talk anyway. Second, what was actually bothering me is I was still sad regarding the loss of my mother. After identifying the root of why I was sad, I apologized to my husband and received the comfort I needed.

If I had not been obedient to the voice of God I would have gone to bed upset with my husband over something that did not exist. More importantly, I would have been disobedient to God. If we do not control our God-given emotions we will be ruled by them! Having out of control emotions can lead to divorce, misunderstandings, arguments, job loss, jail and saying things we are bound to regret.

How many times have we done something in the heat of the moment and regretted it later? I am sure each of us has. We must remember our emotions are valid and given to us by God. However, our emotions are fleeting and we cannot rely upon nor be ruled by them.

My prayer is each of us learns how to rule over our emotions so we can be pleasing to the Father and a blessing to those around us.

Love you all,

Darlene
#healedtospeak