Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. – Ephesians 4:2-3
Marriage is wonderful! I can honestly say for the last twelve and a half years, I have been happily married…mostly 😊. In those twelve years, I have learned a lot about marriage through some advice, but mostly trial and error. Over the next twelve weeks, I will share with you twelve of the many lessons I have learned so far. I hope what I have learned will help you avoid some of the pitfalls I fell into.
Lesson #1- Talking and communicating are not the same thing
I got married on Saturday and we had our first quarrel on Monday. Yup…Monday.
We started out talking and laughing and it was nice. As I continued to talk, it seemed my husband was no longer interested in what I had to say. It appeared as if he was spaced out or rather his head was in another place. I immediately got upset. I thought, we just got married and you are not interested in having an important conversation with me? I felt hurt and rejected. Instead of explaining how I felt, I let my hurt do the talking. I got up, threw a pair of pants at my husband, and walked out of the house. My husband had a look of bewilderment on his face. He couldn’t believe I could get so angry, and neither could I.
In a moment, we went from a friendly conversation to an angry exchange. Not long after our exchange, I went back home. When I got there, I sat down and shared how I felt. I told him I was hurt because it seemed he was no longer interested in talking. Right after I said that he apologized and said he started to experience severe back pain which is why it appeared he wasn’t interested.
Truth is both of us were guilty of not communicating our feelings to each other. We quickly learned we had to work on our communication skills and I had to work on my deep seeded issues with rejection (that I thought was over). We forgave each other and had a great rest of the night.
My Lesson Learned
1. Talking and communicating are not the same.
2. To communicate effectively, you must know your mate, and this takes time. Be patient and gentle during the learning process.
3. Do not walk away angry but deal with the real issue at hand.
1. Do not assume your spouse can read your thoughts. Say what you are feeling.
2. Use wisdom regarding when to share your feelings because timing is everything.
3. Pray, wait, then talk. Communication is something to work on each day.
Father…In the name of Jesus. Thank you for my spouse. Help us to speak the truth to each other in love always. Lord, when I am angry, help me not to sin. Cause me to have self-control over my actions, attitude, and tongue. Help me to use a soft word as it turns away wrath. I thank you for our commitment to stand together in you. In Jesus Name, Amen.